My Secret Keeper

When Chase was very little. About three. He had started sleeping in his own bed instead of a crib. He did fine with that. But every morning about six he would come in my room and climb in bed with me and snuggle. He never spoke or told me he wanted to get up or that he was hungry or anything. He would lie there for as long as I wanted to sleep and pet my face, kiss me and sometimes he would fall back asleep, but usually he just snuggled. I remember it as being some of my absolute favorite time with him. It was him. So Chase to just want to be with you, didn't need anything more than your arm around him. He has always loved a warm body, uh oh for later on.
So yesterday, on Christmas break, Marc had left for work. I had gotten up at 5:30 and gone to the gym but got back in bed when I got home. I was tired. Chase came in my room and snuggled. Just like the before. This time we talked though because I was awake. He also loves to have long quiet talks about things that are important to him but he is very busy during the day so this was special. He told me about his friend in school, a friend who has some behavioral issues. "It's not his fault though, Mom," Chase said, "he has a lot going on at home." "His dad has cancer you know. So does his grandma. He says that he has a 90% chance of dying from cancer himself." This is what this little boy thinks, it was breaking me heart. Chase said, "I let him tell me all his secrets so he doesn't have to keep them inside his own head. " Then he asked me to turn on some music and we could just lie there. So we did, we lied there listening to Paul Simon, quietly. Just as tears were about to well up in my closed eyes because of the incredible gift of this child he said, "Okay Mom, time to get up." Like he knew. He didn't want me to be sad, or happy sad or anything along those lines, so he ended it. My sweetheart.

The Difference's

It is amazing to me the difference's between these two children. They were born 16 months and 10 days apart. They have been brought up exactly the same way, friends, sports, vacations, etc.... So how, I ask you could they be so different from one another. There are some similarites, they look alike, they are kind, they both like ice cream. That's about where it stops. Their tempermants are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Saige care's what people think. Chase doesn't. Saige does her homework, Chase... not so much. The funniest thing was the other day. I had brought in the mail and there was a birthday card in it for Saige with a check in it. Saige dutifully read the card before even glancing at the check. Chase was hovering over her trying to make out how much it was for. Now when Chase get's a check for something he immediately makes Marc or I cash it and then he takes his loot and puts it with his big pile of money that he never spends. Anyway, Saige finally finishes reading the card and the writing and she glances down at the check and says, "Mom, can you put this in my college fund?" And Chase with the most incredulous look on his face says, "College fund? What are you talking about?" It was like the farthest thing that would have ever entered his imagination. I just had to laugh.

Pushing Ten

Saige is going to be ten tomorrow. I really can't believe it. I remember when she was a tiny baby. My Mom and I had her out at like Waterloo Gardens or something and my mom said, "Before you know it Amy she's going to be walking around with us, before you know it she'll be 3." I was so mad, I said, "Mom, don't say that. She's just a little baby." My Mom was right, before I knew it when people asked how old she was she would say, "Pushing two." Then, as predicted, she turned 3, which to this day I hold my Mother accountable for. And just as quickly the years have gone by and tomorrow she will be one decade old. Oh My God. It does not even seem possible. I remember this day, today, from ten years ago so vividly. Not feeling well, Marc was at work. I went over to my Mom and Dad's house and fell asleep on their couch. That night, starting to have contractions and Jeopardy was on. Which always makes me laugh, I don't know why. So anyway, my baby, who now is obviously at some point going to be taller than me and who can wear my shoes and likes to put on a little make up if we are going out will be ten. She has been a blessing, a love, a teacher, and one of the kindest souls I have ever known. She has the compassion of someone who is lived much longer and seen much more. She has an inner kindness that you don't see that much in kids these days. She is also a girl so she has her girl stuff, which I try to take as on going education. There is always a lesson to be learned from her, I look forward to the day she realizes how special she is.

Tomorrow her and fourteen of her closest friends will get together to celebrate her birthday. We are taking them to the mall for a scavenger hunt. My Mom and I spent hours at the mall finding clues and questions. I have our wonderful 15 year old neighbor Emily and four of her friends coming to help us. I am thinking it is going to be great.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.