My Secret Keeper

When Chase was very little. About three. He had started sleeping in his own bed instead of a crib. He did fine with that. But every morning about six he would come in my room and climb in bed with me and snuggle. He never spoke or told me he wanted to get up or that he was hungry or anything. He would lie there for as long as I wanted to sleep and pet my face, kiss me and sometimes he would fall back asleep, but usually he just snuggled. I remember it as being some of my absolute favorite time with him. It was him. So Chase to just want to be with you, didn't need anything more than your arm around him. He has always loved a warm body, uh oh for later on.
So yesterday, on Christmas break, Marc had left for work. I had gotten up at 5:30 and gone to the gym but got back in bed when I got home. I was tired. Chase came in my room and snuggled. Just like the before. This time we talked though because I was awake. He also loves to have long quiet talks about things that are important to him but he is very busy during the day so this was special. He told me about his friend in school, a friend who has some behavioral issues. "It's not his fault though, Mom," Chase said, "he has a lot going on at home." "His dad has cancer you know. So does his grandma. He says that he has a 90% chance of dying from cancer himself." This is what this little boy thinks, it was breaking me heart. Chase said, "I let him tell me all his secrets so he doesn't have to keep them inside his own head. " Then he asked me to turn on some music and we could just lie there. So we did, we lied there listening to Paul Simon, quietly. Just as tears were about to well up in my closed eyes because of the incredible gift of this child he said, "Okay Mom, time to get up." Like he knew. He didn't want me to be sad, or happy sad or anything along those lines, so he ended it. My sweetheart.