"I'm Right, Right?"

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS STOP LAUGHING!!!

This was all we heard as Ashley and I were clutching our stomachs rolling on the ground in hysterics as our fiery friend Lori was showing us how she has many of the same qualities as the dog whisperer. Now, let's not bother with the fact that she doesn't have a dog. She has a tv, she's Mexican and she's seen Cesar, she knows what going on.

It was Saturday night and my house was full of kids (doing God's knows what) and dogs running the joint. Ashley, Lori and I were in the living room chatting. The kids were going up and down the stairs, in and out the door, at one point Lori smelled something burning. Luckily it was only two little plastic toys Chase and his friend melted together. Lucy was searching for food and Mickey was dancing with his new baby. Lori asked me, "Do you discipline these dogs?" I just smiled at Ashley. She looked at me and laughed.
Lori says, "What? What's funny?"
"Nothing," I say as Mickey does a "special" dance with his new stuffed toy.
"Mickey, stop doing that dance in front of company." I say.
"He does NOT understand a word you're saying, you know that right? I'm right. Have you ever watched Cesar Milan?" Lori says.
Ashley and I laugh.
"He understands this," I say. Then I begin to babble incoherently to him. Just to annoy her.
"Watch me!" she instructs. "I can get him to do anything with out saying a word. It's all hand signals." Then she starts gesturing at him. He jumps up on the couch next to me with a questioning look. I keep quiet. I know what's good for me. She can't get his attention with her signals so she slaps him in the side of the head. (not hard) Still, I grab him on my lap as Ashley and I almost go into convulsions of laughter. She really has Cesar down pat. He's always slapping dogs upside the head on that show. She is not going to stop though, "Put him down! He'll listen." ( I thought the point was him not listening, but whatever) at this point he growled at her and bared his baby teeth. Ashley fell off her chair.
"What? What's so funny. I'm right! I'm right!."
Mickey sits down on the floor.
"Sit! Sit!" she demands.
"He is sitting." I say. "I don't get it."
She starts clucking at him.
Ashley thinks she has done some sort of physical damage to her lung by laughing.
Lori tells me to get my other dog (the skittish German Shepherd) in here. She's going to train her. "Listen, I don't need a law suit ." I say.
Now I love Lori but I think if Cesar knew what was going on he might smack her in the side of the head and with a law suit all in one fell swoop.