This is the first week both my kids are home for the summer. And as I write this they are gone again. But we had the week. We played in the quarry and saw Harry Potter and then Chase got sick. Poor baby. Luckily I have medical degree that I found at a garage sale and extra antibiotics so I was able to squash it before it really got going. Yesterday he was so illin' though. I called the professionals and took him in to the 'doctor that talks to much'. We came home with a fresh batch of meds, I dosed him up, put the lime in the coconut, had him drink them both together and he feel asleep.
Meanwhile downstairs Saige was just begging me to help her with a puzzle. "Fine!" I said. So I sat down and started piecing it together.
She was watching 'Wife Swap'. This is the craziest show. They put these polar opposite Mom's in each other's houses and try to live the other's life. Like an Atheist and a Son of a Preacher Man, I mean wife of a Preacher Man or a Pig Farmer and a Belly Dancer. It's whack. Saige just loves it. She said to me, "You know why I love this show Mom, cause they're so different from each other." They sure are.
By this time we were on a second episode, it was a Wife Swap Marathon! Chase had woken up and was watching with us. As I was standing on my head trying to shake out the missing puzzle pieces or earrings or whatever else there was I said to them, "Do you guys think we should do this show?" They both yelled, "No! Never!" I said, "Why? Who do you think you guys would get instead of me?"
"Someone ugly," Chase said.
"That's not nice, really, what would she be like, your new Mommy? My replacement? The ying the my yang."
"The what?" Chase asked.
"Nothing, tell me what she would be like."
"She wouldn't like puzzles!" said smart ass Saige. I only have a slight addiction to my puzzle, I don't think it's anything to make fun of. I don't know where she gets that from.
"She'd have short hair," said Chase who has made it crystal clear to me many times that neither him or I would be cutting our hair in the foreseeable future.
"She'd make us go to church," Chase said. Insert me cringing here. To my credit, we do sing along to Mason Jennings and Jack Johnson sing, "Oh Jesus I love you and Buddha too! That and we cross ourselves when we see dead animals on the road. So we have that going for us.
"She would wear rags," said Saige.
"She would never play with us," Chase chimed in.
"She wouldn't be a show off on the diving board," said Saige. Hey shut up kid, who asked you?
"She would stay in all the time," Chase said, "and she'd be cheap."
"She would never laugh about stupid things," said my little wiseass girl.
"She would live on a farm," Saige added.
"But she would hate dogs!" Chase said.
"I wuv my widdle Micken so much. Don't I Mickerboy?" I baby talked to my furry white creature some call a dog.
"Why do you always use that crazy voice with the dogs?" Chase asked.
"Cause they like it, duh."
"She would be so mean," my angel daughter finally redeemed herself with.
Well that was a fun game. Not. So I'm looking for a mean, short haired dog hater who wears potato sacks and old cleaning rags, who can't do a trick in the pool to save their life and spends a lot of time in Church. I just don't want to stay at their house though, that sounds beat. I don't think I really want to trade at all.