"Bring It Yo"-said the Evil Elf

Wednesday night was The Bates Motel night. It's this scary place with a haunted hayride and a haunted house and a haunted corn maze. Lots of haunted things..... That kind of stuff scares me. A few years ago Marc and I took the kids to a haunted house and Chase and I left early, they had to let us out the back door. It was scary. I have successfully avoided such places.......until now. Lisa decided we should take the kids. Fine! She does all the leg work. Goes online, orders us up some VIP tickets so there is no waiting in line. Let me tell you, worth every cent. Even on a weeknight this place is packed. Packed with family with screaming kids, smart ass kids (like ours) drunk teenagers, the whole nine yards. For a mere thirty extra dollars a ticket we don't have to deal with any of that. We just march all 8 of us up to the front of the line and go first. Yes! (said exactly like the guitar player in Almost Famous says when asked if he wants to see the kid feed his snake a rat). Yes! Sign me up. So we go on the hayride first. I have the stupid position of the very back of the cart thing. This is where all the scary people jump on and scare you. You know what I did? I just didn't look at them. No engaging. I am so good at that to begin with, it really came in handy. Next was the haunted corn maze. This was kinda scary, Lisa held my hand the whole time. She had Benny (her 7 yr. old) in her other hand. He kept yelling, "Bring it Yo!" I, once again, just kept my eyes closed. Ben was getting irritated with us because we weren't moving fast enough for him. He was yelling at us. I swear he was scarier than the wolf guy that was kinda heavy breathing in my ear. Scary, but somehow...interesting. :) Just kidding baby. . So we went by this little crazy looking mean man called the evil elf. So jokingly, I referred to Ben as the evil elf, I got yelled at, AGAIN. Then we went over this bridge and this old woman was sitting there yelling out insults, she said to Chase (my precious angel), "Were you the last one in your family to be born without a tail?" For some reason this threw Lisa and I into convulsive laughter. Ben got mad again! He was losing patience. I will tell you (cause there is small chance of Saige reading this until many years from now, which is really the whole point of this to begin with) that her and Adam (Lisa's 12 yr. old) were quite the couple. He had his arm around her. At one point Lisa looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, are they on a date?" Eyes closed, Trudge forward. Last stop haunted house. This was supposed to be the scariest part of it. I held on to Lisa's hand and started in. It wasn't that bad. The hayride was scarier. At one point this big clown came out and Lisa made a funny comment and it made me laugh so hard that I couldn't be scared at all anymore. I called Marc as soon as we were done to tell him how I made it through. He was so proud of me. Now the next Halloween event is my pick. It's face painting and pumpkin picking. That's not scary at all.

I Did Not Know That

Did you know that you are not allowed to take pictures in the Halloween store? We didn't and so we got in trouble. We, as the adults (Lisa and I). I was so bummed out because I love going in the Halloween store and trying on every mask I can. I am so not a germ o phobe that the grossness of it doesn't even occur to me (until now that is). I like to wait for whoever I am with, my kids or friends until they are not paying attention to me and then surprise them with something like this......

Lisa was easy to do it to, she was occupied with her phone and totally distracted so everytime she looked up Saige and I would surprise her with a new disguise. Saige is good at it too.....

I was so loving that she chose the Barack mask with her "Can't touch this" t-shirt on. Gave me a giggle.
Until the girl with the devil horns came over and burst our bubble. "No pictures!!!" she yelled at us. I had on a big troll mask that went halfway down my body at the time. So of course I start laughing. Saige just turned around and walked away. Lisa was trying to be the adult and quickly apologized but asked her why? The devil girl said because if we put the pictures up on the internet no one would know if we bought them or not. Hmmmm? I'm sorry, I don't follow. I don't understand that. I didn't say anything though, because I was dressed somewhat like a hobbit and I didn't want to make anymore trouble. So we dumped our masks and went to look for the boys (all four of them). The boys were supposed to be collecting things they need for their costumes. They weren't. They too were being reprimanded by the (poor) devil girl. We hurried over to see what was going on, they were trying on the boobs. Which, sadly, gave us a small chuckle, but that girl didn't think it was funny. Not even a little bit.

"Dirty Fighting"

That's the street term for the new class that My friend Lisa and I are doing. The real name is Pekiti Tirsia. It's a Filipino form of martial arts. But see, the fun part is you learn it with weapons.Pekiti-Tirsia roughly translates as "to cut into small pieces, up close." There are big long sticks and Knives and little blade things. For our purposes everything is rounded and taped off. It's a good thing too, because it's rather awkward in the beginning. I am the first to admit how uncoordinated I am. Coordination is a funny thing, I can do all sorts of fancy tricks that involve bending and twisting and a whole lot of balance but when it comes to using both my hands and my feet in a moving stance while wielding weapons, well, that's a whole other ball game. You should see me dance, which you won't, unless we are out and we have had quite a few cocktails. Lisa is coordinated. She does step class. She wins the over 18 dance contests at Bar Mitzvahs, like they're going out of style. I swear this is true, when we were in Turkey she would be practicing her dance "moves" a la the "drop back at all hours of the night. I'd be fast asleep and she'd be jamming out to No Diggity, No Doubt. In this class though we were a little like dumb and dumber. We could never both seem to understand the same move at the same time. Our poor teacher. Rob. Rob has a sleeve tattoo and wears a skull ring and looks like he enjoys getting his party on, but apparently he is in the upper echelon of this fighting form. This is coincidentally (from yesterdays post) the same form of fighting that Matt Damon uses in the Bourne Identity movies. Funny, first Gary Busey kept popping up, now Matt Damon. So Rob was very patient. Lisa and I were laughing at ourselves because why do you think we would need to learn to fight with weapons? I don't know. Self defense perhaps? We learned about someone coming at you with a knife, how to hold a knife in either the "heaven-knife up" position or "Hell-blade down" position. They have fancier names too, but I wouldn't begin to know how to spell them yet. I wasn't sure Lisa was going to like it because it wasn't a huge workout. She loved it though, she said she felt like Angelina Jolie training for a movie. And I am one to believe everything happens for a reason, even when you choose that thing to happen. So poor Rob, we'll be back next week. Watch out out there. It's not just yoga anymore kids.