Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Snow White and the Half Gay Prince

This is the thing. It might sound stupid but obviously that is not a major concern of mine. Snow White?
What in the hell is wrong with her? I'm confused. My head hurts.
First of all, why did she even listen to that mean witch? That witch was so sinister. Speaking of sinister, do you know any actual people in real life that are sinister like the witch in Snow White? Someone who walks around with a cape that covers their hair and that sneer a lot? If so, I'd like to see them. I'd like to just stare at them like one might a zoo animal.
Why was Snow White so stupid about her? Or is Snow White just a glutton for punishment? Perhaps she has low self esteem. Just goes to show Snow, nobody is immune to that low sense of self worth. Snow was a pretty girl. She seemed to have it going on. So why did she bite the apple? Did she think the Queen was her friend? That she wanted the best for her? I don't understand. What was she thinking? I mean, Cinderella was forced into labor. Rapunzel was locked away (I think, I don't remember that story all that well) Fiona had a spell cast on her. They were really painted into their circumstances. Snow White chose it.

If that wasn't bad enough she became a virtual slave to those midgets. I don't get that at all. There was that Angry guy and that weird slap Happy one. There was the one who always slept. What was his name? What about Sneezy? He was just gross. The kleenex alone would make me sick. The Grumpy guy? Come on Snow White! Grow a pair! Leave. Stop doing their laundry! And all that annoying singing they did! Like they were in some dwarf cult. It's stupid.
Who else was there? Oh, yes, Doc, I think Greg Brady played him in a play that whacky Brady family threw in the back yard to buy Jan George Glass. No wait, that's not right. I think they did it for Bobby to impress Millicent. No, no, I think it was to make money for a new Kitty Karey doll for Cindy, that whiney little nugget.
Now that I think about it I believe it was actually Sam the Butcher that played Doc? I kind of remember that he ended up with that plum role. I love that they called him by his full God given name, "Sam the butcher." By the way, didn't the Brady clan treat Alice like crap? For realz. Wearing that uniform? Scrubbing that oven? Who was she anyway, Snow White?

Where was I? Oh, yes, so Snow White and her poor decision making processes. Obviously she had some mad skills cleaning, she could have earned some coin without any side jobs, did she really need to care for those seven lazy bastards? (Sorry Mom). And then! To add insult to injury she has to kiss a dead guy. The hits just keep on coming.

What ever happened to her and the Prince? I bet he ran off with that sinister Queen or maybe it was the King...
Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Kathy said...

"So why did she bite the apple?"

See, this is why I avoid healthy foods at all cost.

Wow, that was awkward said...

So much to say here, I think I'm going to pee in my pants.

First, it's about time somebody outted Snow White for the fraud she is. You know she doesn't really like Pete Yorn, by the way.

Second, thanks a lot! That dwarf that sleeps all the time - his name is on the tip of my tongue!! Dasher, Prancer? Shoot, I know I'm close.

C, I have a picture of myself with Cindy Brady. Mrs. Brady too. They both copped feels, but I didn't mind.

iv, Alice needed a lawyer.

Fifthly, how can princes not look half to fully gay when they all wear tights? Not to mention the variety of fairytale colors of which they are clad?

And F, this was genius.

Brother Chris said...

The errant, rambling musings of a '70's child. Do you think when Snow White kissed the prince she saw fireworks going off?

BTW if Jan is allergic to Tiger, then they obviously can't live together - where is Jan going to live?

Lula! said...

Are you kidding me, Amy? This is brilliant shiz here, my friend. Oh my head, you crack me up.

From Snow White to The Brady Bunch. Awesome.

And there's NOTHING wrong with that.

Kathy said...

"What ever happened to her and the Prince? I bet he ran off with that sinister Queen or maybe it was the King... "

Definitely Elvis.

Anonymous said...

At least you can see their "package" in tights. That way you'll know if they're packing (or not packing) a teeny weenie! Come on Joe! Poor thing. Its sooo cute.

Amy said...

Anonymous. I don't even know what that means. Is this Jen? I don't get it. Can't you at least sign a fake name that maybe I would understand? Help a brother out. :)

Amy said...

Sorry, my bad. Now I know. Poor Irish guy. You were brutal. :)
I miss you! Come over soon.

h bomb said...

Irish music sucks! Miss you too. Lol

twist said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I miss amy's blogs. Whered they go?