Friday, April 10, 2009

Any Given Day Part Deux

"Want to go down to Philadelphia with me to look for fabric tomorrow?"

Act 1:
Driving down 202 and pass a very dear friend driving, on her cell phone, kinda swerving around. Wave to her like a crazy person. She sees us.
Cell phone rings. "Hello darling girl," the voice of the questionable driver says, "Happy Good Friday to you, the day of our Lord and Saviour."
"Um, to you too." I reply.
After a little more conversation. We hang up.
"So, what's Good Friday famous for?" I ask my friend, Crazy.
"It's the day US Air killed Jesus."
"Yes," Crazy continues. "It was US Air and then he came out the cave on Easter."
I txt another friend with this question.
The first response I get says US Air had nothing to do with it. They were getting a bad rap.
Crazy says, "Misinformation Amy, try again."
I re ask.
"Yes, she's right I do think it was some righteous pilot."
Phew, that's settled.

Act 2:
We don't have a lot of time but we still want to go to Material Culture.
"We need to hurry, but we have to go in this grocery store and use the bathroom." Crazy says.
We go in and go to the back to where the restroom is. It's locked. There is a sign that says you need a key. Crazy goes and asks for the key. The counter girl says there is someone in there. We sit down and wait. It's taking quite a while. Crazy says, "I don't think there's anyone in there. I'm going to go knock."
"You get all over your bad self," I say.
Knock Knock Knock
(Very gruff old man's voice) "Yeah, hold on."
Crazy looks at me. I look at her. "Not so much."
"We don't need to be anywhere near that bathroom when he's done," she says.
We hightail it outta there.

Act 3:
Using the restroom in Starbucks. I let Crazy go first cause she's all jumpy and twitchy.
I come out she is at the counter buying some sort of dead bird sandwich and some tea. She asks for honey.
"How much do you want?" asks the Starbucks guy.
"How much do I want or how much is appropriate?" Crazy replies.
"Just pour the whole bear in there?" Starbucks guy says.
Tears streams down my face as we walk out the door.

Final Act:
(Just so you know we are in the middle of redecorating her entire house) I am trying to stay on point. One area at a time. She has a million ideas for the whole thing constantly. There is a lot of reeling in on my part. There is stripping of paint, plastering, priming, painting, curtains to make, chandelier projects, in fact projects everywhere you look AND an entire house to decorate. Don't even get me started on the four live chickens in their downstairs bathroom. That's a whole other blog post. (All their stuff had to get thrown out cause of a series of unfortunate events, the first one being lead paint). Let's call her Lemony.
So we are working on the foyer.
As we drive home in bumper to bumper traffic she looks at me and says, "I don't know if this is to ambitious an idea, what with all the other projects I have going."
I try not to roll my eyes, "Tell me," I say, if for no other reason than to blog about it.
"Well, I was thinking of doing aura paintings for over the (haunted) fireplace of Juno and Dozer (her dogs that have gone to the other side).
"Wait! Don't say anything else til I find a pen and paper."
Aura paintings of her dead dogs. YES! YES! YES!


twist said...

Ha! You left out all the wholesome parts. How about the fresh-baked muffins? Or my concern for our swerving I said, "oh Amy, please call her while I try to give her safety signals"? Or how I fretted over my poor Mommom getting to church (9000 times) this weekend? I'm the most normal and reverent person I know. Hands down.

Amy said...

Amen and Hallelujah. Are you picking me up Sunday morning or should I come get you? Let me know.

twist said...

Where are the people? They know you can't catch this, right? Most of them have it already anyway.

Ashley said...

From personal experience I have to say, crazy is great. There is nothing wrong with a little crazy and a tub of honey. Just don't get it stuck in your hair. That's gross.

Meredith said...

The birds are cute. I hope this is not the person who killed all the parrots. Now I'll worry all night.
Love, Mom

Kathy said...

Twist: We are here! We are here! We are here!!! (And love the chickens!)

"Yes, she's right I do think it was some righteous pilot." - Best Line of the Month.

My day? How about exposing the kids to "Zoo Porn." Seriously, when they advertise all the baby animals they have, they forget to tell you that more are on the way. Boffing Bats, Pimping Peacocks, and Giraffes spinning their heads round, round, round, round as the got down, as they got down, down. (On the other hand, I may have learned a few things for later tonight.....)

Next up, watching "Twilight". Quite possible the most painful movie ever. So of course, it's now my 11 year olds favorite. However, it did pave the way for a discussion as to what constitutes "Stalking" in a relationship. (Just trying to make lemonade....)

Thanks for the try to get the aura of the giraffes out of your head.

Kathy (again) said...

two corrections:

Should have been "right round, right round"

No, it is not true what the say about the size of a giraffe's neck.

twist said...

Meredith: I would never kill a parrot. It's too much talkin' and squawkin' for the portion size. Plus, it tastes like chicken.
Kathy: We could have joined you at the zoo! You know, to help you "explain" things. Wouldn't THAT have been fun?

Amy said...

Mommy, Kirsten only has illegal poultry as pets. I don't think she has ever owned a "pet store" friend. As far as I know at least. So, she is not the bird murderer. I will say she has been known to hose an errant cat here and there.

Kathy, Twilight is possibly the most painful movie that ever existed. I do like that you had the "stalking" discussion. Did you see Oprah yesterday? The sex talk one.
Om namah shivaya!

Christy said...

Oh man, I was just reading the comments...Oprah had a discussion about having the sex talk?! I needed to see that and I missed it, DAMN!

This is so funny...these things only happen to you, I swear, but it is HIL-freakin'-LARIOUS!

Lula! said...

I spit coffee all over my computer when I read the part about the old man in the potty.

I would pay big money to spend the day with you. But I'd have to wear Depends, 'cause I'd totally pee my pants before the day was over.