Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Q & A

I have a question and an answer for you today. Now the question is not a riddle like it might sound. It is a valid question that I need an answer to.
What is it called when a gay man has a crush on a woman?
A full blown, act like a school boy, perma grin crush? I witnessed this first hand last night when I was out with my brother. It was so cute. She is a bartender in a restaurant he likes to hang at in Chelsea. He was so excited to go in and see if she was there. When we were on the sidewalk he saw she was behind the bar and I swear to God I watched him go from a grown man to a 13 year old kid in a matter of seconds. I'm going to tell you what, she was super cool, if I was a gay guy I'd probably have a crush on her too. For real. We hit it right off, we chatted and talked and talked, we had one more cocktail than expected. We talked yoga and the laws of attraction, facebook, life, you name it we touched on it. At one point my brother said, " Amy, I'm about to go all Tonya Harding on your ass if you don't shut up." Whoops.
Food for thought.

The answer.
What do you do when you are out in public with your kids and they start to fight?
You bark like a dog. This comes directly from Marc. He called me today and told me he figured it out. Saige and Chase are 15 months apart. They have a tendency to bicker. He said though, if they start to do this you simply start barking at them. They get so embarrassed that they shut up right away. If you are in the car and they start to fight you just roll down the window and bark at the driver next to you. After a while all you have to do is growl at them and they straighten up in seconds. I'm sorry, I think this is genius. There is no begging, no threats, no tears of despair. Just act like a dog. Kids are so quickly humiliated. Brilliant. You can thank him.


Lora said...

There has to be a word for that, it happens so often. I hate when people say "envy" because HELLO! Gay dudes do not want to be women. They want to be with men.

heather said...

Barking like a dog might work when my son gets older. Right now he would just laugh at me and do it too! Speaking of dogs, I've got a little Q & A for you Amy. What do you do when your friends dogs are shitty and leave you festering presents in the morning? A: leave the gate open while no one is home (oopsie), take them for a ride to the woods, drop them off at the cosmetic and hair care testing facility (where they make dogs look beautiful!)
Don't worry I'm teasing... I love your dogs, gifts and all. Afterall, Lucy was thoughtful. She did make it all by herself.

Christy said...

Hmmmm....I don't know about this one. It IS genius--I'll give him that. But I don't know that I could go through with the actual barking. You let me know if it works for you! :) And I don't know what it's called when a gay man has a crush on a woman, but it can't be all that weird b/c I have crushes on lots of gay men, and I'm not weird...that's all I have to say about that. :)

Kathy said...

First, Marc is brilliant. I love the barking idea. Thank you!


"A Gush" - A Gay Crush. (noun or verb)
"Hey, Mark, isn't that your Gush?"
"Mark gushes when he sees that bartender."

Mark said...

You know, Amy, I didn't mind sharing Monya with you. Mine is a harmless, non-possessive crush. You're beautiful, she's beautiful, and it was a gift to me to see two amazing souls connect. I learned a lot and left smiling.

As for Marc's discovery, it is brilliant. And, if more parents barked, then maybe more kids wouldn't be afraid of their parents--humiliated by them perhaps, but not afraid. And that would be a good thing.

Mark said...

Hey Kathy, I like that, quite witty. Thanks for expanding my vocabulary. :-)

Amy said...

Totally brilliant Kathy! I love it. My brother totally has a "gush" to bad she has a "girsh" on me. :)

Lula! said...

What do you call a straight gal who has a crush on a gay guy?

Seriously. I think about these things. And how Rupert Everett would feel if I stalked him.

Sleepy Amy said...

Bark like a dog? Note taken and trial runs will begin soon. I'll keep you posted. xoxo