Wednesday, October 21, 2009

EggSensual Moment

My phone rings. I am already on the phone with someone else that I don't want to hang up with but my caller id says it's one of my very best friends.
"Hold on," I tell caller one.
I answer.
"Hey, can I call you back in five minutes," I say.
"It better be five minutes or I'm going to kick your ass," the cute little voice says.
I call her back quickly because my recommendation of moo shoo chicken seems to be a big hit with caller number one although they did complain about wrapping it themselves. Ok, Lazy.

So I call back caller number two.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"I'm having an eggsensual moment, is that right? Is that how you say it?" she says.
"Existential?" I ask, laughing.
"Yes! I've been drinking since six o'clock tonight and I'm leaving the Catholic church tomorrow!"

At this point I decide a glass of wine is in order for me, cause this could get good.

"What happened?" I like to keep my Catholic thoughts to myself cause I get scared.
"I got my third letter from them tonight! Three letters! There was more postage on there than there was for the Obama/Bush campaign, or whoever is running now," she says rather loudly.
My smile is so wide right now. I love this woman so much. She delights me daily with her stories but when she gets pissed it borders on a festival. A good one. Not one of those gross food ones. A music festival!
"So what happened?" I ask again.
"I called some of my Catholic friends, they all had suggestions, so I hung up and called you. I needed to talk to a real person."
(I'm taking that as a compliment)
"I can't explain what happened cause I've been drinking since six," she tells me again.
"What are you drinking?" I am curious. She does enjoy a Brandy on occasion.
"The box," she says.
"Of course, the box."
"I"m so mad though, I have looked all over the house for my white wine glass and I can't find it anywhere! I"m leaving the church!"
"What happened?" I try again.
"Three letters! I'm leaving and I'm stapling a thousand dollar check with my resignation!" she says.
"Is it like leaving the Bloods or the Crips? You have to be beat out or sexed out or pay out? Do they pay their way out?"
This is completely ignored.
"Three letters! I'm a good person. I'm leaving!"

I still am not really clear on what happened. I do believe it was a long time coming though. I have heard more than one Catholic person say, "I don't believe what they say but it was how I was brought up, so I'm doing it."
This always makes me cock my head to the side like the dumb blonde I am.
I don't judge though.
Catholic, Jewish, those of us with no set religion. We're all just human.
I am from the religion of "Be a nice person."
I wish everyone was.
Now where's that box?
Sue? The day ends in y...

12 comments:

h $ said...

So what were the letters about? What did they say?

Speaking of Boggle said...

Guess what word.

The Complainer said...

I am so lazy, my moo shoo turned into beer and sliders. They serve it to you all ready to go. No origami moves or anything!

Hungry Hobo said...

I could really use a sip of wine and a little bite size piece of something that is supposed to be representative of sacrafice or stale yeast or something like that.

The Night Shift said...

Don't worry Amy. We are watching him.

Him said...

Oh yeah!? Moo shoo this, Night Shift! I am not afraid of Amy sensoring!

Him said...

I've got your subway token.

Kathy said...

Three Letters....

As in playing on a Varsity Sport?

As in Vanna White in a Nun's Habit?

As in Elmo's ABCs?

I need more info on this one..... after all, I'm Presbyterian...

PS. Did she find some yummy wafers to go with her wine?

Sue said...

I'll betcha I know who this friend was... the catholic and the drinking since 6 on a day that ends in y gives her mexican ass away.... too funny. let's invite her out with us this weekend. I need to hear more!

BTW, why are you letting hobos comment on your blog. And how does a hobo get access to a computer exactly?

Hobo said...

@sue: Duh. I use the library sinks to shower. I shower more than Amy, by the way. Libraries have computers. The only problem is I can't get porn and I'm dying to see that new site you recommended: babes-in-boots dot com, right?

Amy said...

Um, excuse me, Hobo, look at me not sensoring you! Aren't you so proud? Try to behave yourself though. Hey, where's my subway token?

Christy said...

I don't understand a word any of you just said...you know, the usual. :-)