Saturday, October 31, 2009

Oh Brother John, Where Art Thou

I was in New York for a couple days trying to learn some new yoga. I met a friend who has this thing with liquids apparently.
We go into Starbucks so my friend can get a Chai tea. Apparently orange juice, water, and diet coke is not enough beverage for 10 am. I sit down at a table to wait cause it's a long line. I decide to try to answer a couple e mails from my phone. Someone taps on my shoulder.
"Excuse me, excuse me." he says.
I look up and see an interesting looking fellow to say the least.
"You are beautiful," he says to me.
I'm not sure what's going on here. I look around for my friend. No where to be seen. I glance at the women at the table next to me on her laptop. She didn't even look up. I'm in New York City after all.
"Thank you so much," I say to him.
"You are beautiful!" he repeats. "What are you? Italian? German? Irish? What? Italian?" he fires off at me?
"Um... I don't know," I stammer out like an idiot.
He doesn't seem to notice. He just keeps talking.
"You know what I like so much about you?" he ask me as he takes my hand in his?
I'm not sure if this normal.
"No," I answer.
"Your shape. You've got a great shape," he says. Then he kisses my hand.
"Listen, I haven't eaten breakfast. Do you have any money you can give me?" he asks quite confidently.
Oh, I see now.
"I guess so," I say as I look around again to see if someone is going to intervene.
At this point he lets go of my hand for a second to make someone move out of the table he has planned on sitting at after he got some latte money from me. I have to hand it to him, the guy moved. In the same breath he got some notebook paper off a different guy because as he informed me, he was a writer.
"I'm Brother John," he says. "I'm going to be a Saint. Now listen to me. Fold up the money in your hand when you give it to me, if they see you handing it to me they'll kick me out. How much are you giving me? They kicked me out the other day because I took to long in the bathroom. I took five minutes! Most people take thirty minutes! With the toilet paper and everything. And you know what thirty plus thirty is right? An hour!"
Where the hell is my Chai tea friend???
I give him two dollars. Apparently that wasn't enough because he seemed a little annoyed at me for a second but quickly shook it off and continued to talk to me as he took my hand in his again.
"You are so beautiful. You have an aura about you."
Maybe I should have given him more.
At this point I look up and see that my friend has ordered the tea and has to wait for it but is looking right at Brother John and I. I give a little smile that says, "When the hell are you coming over here?" All I see is the Iphone pointed at me! Oh I understand... there will be no saving. Only evidence.
"You look like a celebrity," Brother John says as he kisses my hand.
"I do? Who?" I'm starting to really like Brother John.
"Dolly Parton!" he says very loudly. "I"m a singer you know. How old is Tony Bennett? I sang with him in the park. I love your shape. You know who Dolly Parton is?" Brother John says.
I quickly txt "I'm so glad you're enjoying this."
Finally the Chai is ready so we can go now. Brother John looks at my friend and says, "She's beautiful."
He got a nod of agreement.
I stand up. "It was so nice meeting you Brother John!"
My hand gets another kiss. I think he even sort of bowed at me.
"Have a good day," I say.
I'm sitting here in my warm house on this rainy Halloween and I'm really hoping Brother John had a good breakfast today.


Anonymous said...

am so loving the look on your face here. thank god for evidence! you are beautiful, btw.

The friend said...

This pleased me greatly. I'm sad I missed the first five minutes. I have a couple other good photos and would have had more but you seemed impatient to leave.

Anonymous said...

Seriously laughed so hard! That story is so hilarious. I loved every bit of it. I truely hope his breakfast was good. You do have a nice shape Dolly. Ahhh. I was reading it when my clients walked in, and they had to sit here and listen to me read it while I was on the verge of tears the entire time. I think they loved it too. How you kept letting the brotheren engage you. So funny! I'm reading it again! You should make that your profile pic!


Kathy said...

In honor of 42nd Street, NYC:

"Oh, well, Hello Dolly
Yes, Hello Dolly
It's so nice to have you here with your Chai Tea

You're looking swell, Dolly
I can tell, Dolly
But is 2 bucks really all that you can give to me?"

And then for all those pre-schoolers out there:

"Are you pan-handling?
Are you pan-handling?
Brother John.
Brother John.

Starbucks is awaiting.
Beauties for the taking.
Write that text.
Sainthood's next."

Amy said...

Kathy, You totally crack me up. I love your amazing song writing capabilities. Really. There is a job out there for you!

And The Friend. I was only impatient to leave because the squirrels of Madison Square Park needed me. You know that.

Sue said...

Is that girl at that table someone famous? She looks famous. She should be famous. I think it's the glow about her.... why is she glowing?

The friend said...

@sue: That glow is because of all the cool new yoga moves she learned.

Christy said...

THAT is priceless! Or worth the 2 bucks you gave him at least! I'm laughing so hard right now...I wish I was there to witness that.

You are beautiful, Dolly!