Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Yeah, Yeah, What She Said... The BOOTS...

As quoted by Asude...
don't forget to start tomorrows story with me, the morning after drinking 2 white wines, a mojito, a cosmo, a crazy pineapple vodka drink, two glasses of red wine, and two beers, didn't throw up or get hung over. I win.

And I think Christy was just being nice. I scared her off. I was a hot mess. You were brilliant. Her husband came to save her!

You forgot to mention the dorky guy doing handstand pushups and he bet you couldn't do them and you did more than him.

AND you forgot to set up the boots with me talking about them in the car on the way up and at the bar with your brother and Kevin. sheesh Amy, do I need to write this myself?!?!

Oh, and when you post a pic of the boots, please crop out my rained on mess of top half!

You totally won Girl! No doubt. I slept way longer and my brother did too! You are the Queen of the Alcoholics! I am going to make you a crown. Just like I am making your birthday and Christmas presents (cause MHHAG). You better hope you don't get any soda bottles. My brothers will all tell you that was one of my big gifts as a child.

Let me start by saying, and I am a little embarrassed about this... I totally forgot about that idiot challenging me to hand stand push ups. That's really neither here nor there though because I believe what you are hoping for is a post about "the boots."
Ah, the boots. The hooker boots. We did talk about over the knee hot hot boots on the way up in the car. You were wanting them before we even got to the chosen land and the amazing and wonderful Roanne the store manager who knew my life story in the first five minutes we were in the store. There wasn't even a cat in there!

So Asude and I went into this beautiful Italian shoe store. She found a pair of amazingly, insanely, sexy, thigh high black suede boots. It was a little magical. My heart still beats a little faster when I think about it. But alon, I mean alas, Asude could not bite the bullet because the boots bordered on Israel, I mean pricey. We decided to let Roanne hold them while we walked around the city. We hit every shoe store from Chelsea to Soho. Oh how Suzie tried to make them work. She would see a cheaper pair and get all excited. She would put them on and sometimes she just knew it was wrong, sometimes it was me who had to say, "Please take them off, they are offending me." Or, "You look like a pirate Matey. Buy them and lets go hijack something with our claw paws." So see, nothing worked. Once you put on thousand dollar pair (just kidding Mr. Asude) of boots, cheap copies are nothing more than cheap copies and truthfully just offensive to the already shattered psyche. ;)

We finally came to a decision and Asude sold some of her frozen eggs and decided to purchase the real boots. She needed a little liquid courage because the nine cocktails from the night before were long gone out of her blood stream. We went to Live Bait, contemplated a minute and headed back to the store. My brother met us there and gave the nod. That would be the "Gay nod," to those in the know. That is the ultimate acceptance. A gay man thinks something you are wearing is hot. You are hot. No questions asked. Just pass go and don't get caught collecting your two hundred dollars unless you have an internet friend who knows the inner workings of Western Union and a friend in the FBI.

To date she has worn them twice. That's only five hundred dollars a wear! (Just kidding AGAIN! Mr. Asude).

BTW Slackers, "Everybody's got a dream!" is from Pretty Woman! Duh! The originator of the over the knee hooker boots.
Love, Your Beck and Call Girl Who Loves to Smell the Ocean through Pinecones

Suzy with the bag in her hand

That cat from Shrek
(and Suzie, you're not a hot mess, his apartment is because we tend to trash the place...)


Mark said...

Hopefully, Mr. Aside will appreciate this (instead of being annoyed), but I gave the "gay nod" because seeing Sue in those boots made me want to jump the fence, so to speak. I've since come to my senses after reuniting with my totally HOT 25-year-old hunk of a boyfriend, but for a moment there, those boots had me reeling. Worth he grand Asude dropped on them (just kidding Mr. Asude).

Sue said...

Oh Mark, I'm so happy you are reunited with your totally hot 25-year old hunk of a boyfriend... You were literally about to explode. It was going to be messy. Messier than your apartment after two slightly off color women trashed the place.

Ah the boots... seeing them in that picture makes me smile. They are so pretty aren't they? I shouldn't be so attached to a thing, but I love them so much. They are the last thing I think about before I fall asleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up. They love me back, too. I swear it.

Kathy said...

Mark - Coo Coo Ka Choo, Mr. Robinson. Good for you.

Sue - Did those fabulous boots come with a safety pin for a zipper? (They are seriously awesome!)

Amy - are you psychic? The %$#^ cat just walked across my keyboard. Never, ever does this. (The boots, right?)

billy yorn said...

I like the parts I understand the best. I keep thinking you are saying boobs instead of boots. Cuz Sue sure loves her boobs! I mean boots.

Christy said...

The boots are HOT! Good for you!

Lora said...

there is nothing cheaper than inexpensive boots.


Not even the hookers under the el are cheaper.