Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Broadway Baby

So as a continuation from a few posts ago. For those couple of you who keep up with my rambling thoughts. More than one person, Lora, Simple Answer, anyone else? commented that many Mommies like to act like they've got it all together.
Their kids are perfect.
They're perfect.
Their husband is perfect.
Their house is perfect.
Their life is perfect.
It's all perfect.

This is so lovely. And honestly, if that's true, more power to you.
Let me just say. If there is one thing I have learned in my 39 years, and many of them during my 39th year, is that usually, things aren't really as they seem. I'm sorry, I don't want to be the one to let the cat out of the bag (although if in real life if there was for some reason a cat stuck in a bag, I would be the first one to let it out) but for the sake of this sentence, they're a lot of Broadway shows going on out there. Oh yes there are. I have been a witness to some. I have starred in a couple. I have listened to people talk, I have heard stories, I have read e mails. People are putting on some shows baby.
Case and point. Lovely family in the Southwest. Mother, father, son, daughter. Everything looks perfect. Meanwhile (edited for child reading) it's not. This came to me by e mail and the exact words were, "On the outside looking in, it looks a lot nicer than it really is.
Let me tell you, if you saw this beautiful family in a restaurant, you might be envious. Each member is better looking than the next. The father is successful, the mother is lovely, the children are polite and kind. Each one is playing a little part.
This is not an uncommon story. I have a whole drawer full of them. People tell me stuff. I think cause I'll listen, and I'll never judge. Never ever ever. You know that saying with the glass houses?
I could tell you stories til your eyes fell out. I won't, because that would be unpleasant, and I hate unpleasantries.
The thing is, it doesn't bother me in the least when someone acts like they've figured this whole thing out. I actually like it. The way I look at it is it could go one of two ways.

The first one being, giving them the benefit of the doubt. They are perfect. They have made it all work and barely have a hair out of place. In this case, perhaps they could give me a few pointers. The good Lord knows I could use them. I'm not afraid to ask. I'll ask you anything and I'll tell you anything. It's my nature.

The second scenario for Mommy Dearest (which I'd be willing to take the "over" on- did that make sense Asude?) is that they've got their own closet full of skeletons. Some of those skeletons might even be sitting in their foyer when no guests are over. But somehow their way is to make everything seem perfect so they can feel okay. Fine. Who am I to judge? Some people wear false eye lashes, some people dye their hair, some people get botox. Most people do a little something to trick the eye, to lead you away from reality, because reality is more than they can bare a hundred percent of the time. It's all good. We're just human after all.
Except Edward, he's a vampire. He is perfect. Fo shizzle.


Heather said...

Yay! I love this post. So true, so true. I have known and still know plenty of people like this. Looks can be very deceiving. My father once told me he knew someone who was trying to live the so-called "perfect" life with the beautiful wife, and the fancy cars and giant house. But that person had marital problems and that giant house was totally empty...no furniture. They couldn't afford it.
I was just recently depressed because being on facebook I was able to reconnect with many old school friends. In their pics they are married, have children, have beautiful homes and all seem so happy and to have the perfect lives. I was discussing this with my mom and said how I felt like I didn't accomplish anything because I'm a singe mom that lives in a cluttered apartment regularly visited by stink bugs. We both laughed and I realized that more than haf of those people are probaby living a lie, are absolutely miserable or are pretending to be someone they're not.
By the way...if its my kitten in the bag, keep her there. She's an asshole. Think Lucy wants a friend?

Kathy S. said...

Yes, I am one of those with a perfect life:

Perfectly trashed house.
Perfectly scratched up furniture (Like Heather said - keep the cat in the bag!)
Perfectly clogged toilet
Perfect sagging wrinkles
Perfect sun damaged skin
Perfect Middle Schooler with Perfect MS 'tude
Perfect slacker elementary schooler
Perfect Husband who leaves the seat up
Perfectly blonde (Too many greys)
Ah, yes, just perfect....

Okay, so my Broadway Show is not "A Long Day's Journey into Night" but it's not "The Music Man" either. But it's mine, want me to sing you a number?

Lula! said...

I just sat down at my computer and guess who was staring back at me? That would be you and Kid. Amen.

Loved this post, Amy. And it's so true. This past Sunday my pastor said something profound that really hit home for me..."Sometimes we are nicer to friends--or even total strangers--than we are to our own spouses." This is SO TRUE. And so sad.

No one's life is perfect. When someone tells me theirs is, I call them a liar. To their face. In a loving way, of course.

My husband is not perfect. My kids are not perfect. I am faaaaaaaar from anywhere near perfect. My house is a wreck, my child is watching Jungle Book and I am on the computer...so how's that for an early morning confession?

p.s. I love Botox. Well, I will love it...very soon...

twist said...

Really, it IS all perfect over here. Except for my collapsed skull. Seriously, I went to a new chiropractor yesterday and he said that I had a collapsed skull. Not to worry, though. He fixed it. By clicking it with a pen. All good now. And Heather, as for the big house with no furniture? Not being able to afford furniture is a GOOD thing. Less for the ghosts to bang around in the night - seriously. Have to run now and make the bed my husband slept in because my children still sleep with us and were having a particularly rough night...

Lula! said...

p.s. Of course Edward is perfect. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Sue Jacquette said...

That's right, Amy. Everybody has their own (edited for children). It may look perfect from the outside, but it's not. Not EVER. Honestly, never. I think the secret to happiness is to own it. Buddhism teaches that the root of all suffering is desire. If we stop wanting things to be different and accept and appreciate what we have, we achieve peace. Own it, baby.

Heather said...

Just to add on to my long rambling post from 1am last night...I am who I am. I don't try to be somebody else. I am comfortable in my own skin. Every once in a while I relapse and think of what I could have...but then I realize I'm "real", I'm healthy (for the most part, I have a beautiful healthy son, and I have a roof over my head (even if it is small).
So I said...Heather

Simple Answer said...

Umm. Liked this. Changed my attitude. Next time? I'm just going to enjoy the show knowing it's really whatever gets you through the day!

Lora said...

This is perfect. You know that the mommylies are the bane of my existance. You don't have to air your dirty laundry, just don't pretend that there isn't any!

Sarah said...

Love the new look fo the blog...

twist said...

I thought about your post all day long. It reminds me of what my teacher in CA - Sylvia Boorstein - used to say about how everything is just perfect...there is no other way things could be WHICH (god, she would die) reminds me of some dumb movie I can't remember except for one bit about everybody's got a freak flag... When I look back at my life, which you know has had more than its share of the C-R-A-Z-Y, it's so obvious it's far more entertaining to fly the freak flag, enthusiastically - I'm not talking a lighted, car-dealership-size flag from the mountaintop or anything. But just letting the truth hang out intriguingly. Remember when we didn't know who Patton Jolly was and you thought I was normal (briefly)?

The Family Julz said...

GREAT POST! Totally agree with what Lora said. I'm sure I'll have more to add once the caffeine kicks in.

Wep said...

Excellent post. Kind of ties into mine from tonight. No one's life is perfect, and I just rest in the fact that anyone who tells you there's is, is fooling themselves. Everyone has things that they wish were different. Some things you can change. Some you can't. BUt staying positive is the only thing that gets you through the tough times. Fo Shizzle.