Monday, November 30, 2009

A Stick A Butta, A Quart A Milk and A Loaf A Bread

Well, really just the milk. You would think by the number of times I have recited this Fat Albert quote I might have learned something. If you can't learn from Fat Albert you better pray for School House Rock. I really thought I did learn but I seem to have spaced out some apparently relatively simple information.
This is how it went down.
There was no organic fat free milk left at Target which went right up my ... my something or other. I was suitably annoyed by this and figured I would leave there and go straight to the grocery store and just get it. But in the twelve hours I had been in Target grocery shopping it had started freezing rain. My fingers were already tingling because they had lost all the blood in them and I was in the need of some hot water. The grocery store was going to have to wait.

Fast forward to after picking up Saige (twice) at lip sync practice. Don't even get me started on how many required practices there are for lip sync, that's a whole other blog post.
We still needed milk. We decided to go to Swiss Farms, Swiss Farms is a drive through market. It is genius. So we get to the drive through and the guy comes out all friendly.
"Would you like to see the specials?" Swiss Farm guy asks.
"No thanks. Do you have fat free organic milk?" I ask.
"I've got organic milk and I've got fat free milk but I don't have organic fat free milk," he says.
"Okay, just give me the small container of fat free," I say.
"We have it in a quart and a gallon," he says.
"Okay great, give me the small one," I repeat.
"The quart or the gallon?" he says again. (What is up with this guy???)
"Whichever one is smaller," I say stupidly.
"The quart?" he asks while he looks at me like I have three heads.
"I guess so," my fingers are cold. Just give me the god damn milk. God.
Saige groans in the back seat, "He's gonna think you're an idiot!" she says.
"I think that ship has sailed, Baby," I say.
"How could you not know which is smaller?" she looks at me like she can't believe it.
"I don't know. I told him I wanted the littler one. I don't know why he had to keep questioning me!"
"God Mom."
At least I'm not Darrin.


twist said...

OK, so you were only coming up an 83 on that last post, but this one's worth at least 17 extra credit points for making me laugh so hard that, had I been drinking fat free organic milk, I would have spit it out my nose. As it was, I was only drinking regular, NONorganic (due to the shortage of organic milk in our area, duh) and so the bits that they take out when you get organic are now lodged in my nose. Thanks for that.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I love it. One time at Starbucks, I got a venti chai for me and a grande coffee for someone else. I asked the starbucks gal to please write my name on the chai so I could tell them apart. She asked me my name and wrote it down. I couldn't believe it.

Thank goodness you aren't Darrin!

Sue said...

Oh, sweetie, you're so pretty!

twist said...

[readers arrive at comment.]

[readers clap, laugh like crazy, think, "Damn, that Twist can sure finger sync!]

twist said...

Hope you enjoyed the show. I stayed up all night practicing. John kept saying, "come to bed" and I said, "not until I can pretend to type along with the thoughts in my head like NOBODY else!"

Amy said...

Nobody can do that!

Oh my God! That is a fantastic idea for you! You are so on the edge of it all. Lip sync snip shnink. It's all about the next best thing, pretending to type!!!
I think today I am going to pretend be normal. Wait and see how I pull that one off! You're not even going see it coming. For real. I'm going to be invisible. If any doors close by themselves, you'll just know.

twist said...

Yeah, but can you fly?

Amy said...

Only when I do a handstand, Baby. But you know that. ;)

Meredith said...

God Amy.

Lora said...

I posted that video clip on my blog one time but the people at Sesame Street took it right down and boy was I angry. I spent so long youtubing all the old Sesame St stuff like the Ladybug picnic and the Alligator and his Seven Sons and the loafa bread kid and then they were gone. I thought for sure I had them all in one place so I could enjoy them with Jake forever and ever.

But no

Now I'm mad again