Friday, August 7, 2009

Moose, Making Out and My Moon Children

Eleven hours that turns into twelve is a long time in the car. It is 202 songs on the shuffle when you count the ones I skipped cause I didn't feel like listening to. I was like the music nazi in the car. I have a lot of remixes on my IPod. I love them. Every once in a while one would come on and Chase would say, "I don't like that version, can we listen to the original?" A nice mother would say, "Of course Sweetie." Not me. I said, "If you want to go ahead on your IPod, this is my music." As an after thought I did say in a kinder voice, "Maybe it will come on the shuffle if you're patient." I was adamant about leaving it on the shuffle the entire time. I am really annoying too because I know every lyric to every song on my IPod and I sing the entire time. Non stop. Like that psycho chick in the movie with Ben Stiller. Just like that.

Driving from Pennsylvania to the top of Maine is somewhat similar to driving to South Florida. You pass through a lot of states rather quickly. Although there is no South of the Border up in the North East, if you can believe that, which is a bummer cause I LOVE South of the Border. The thing is when you get to the bottom of Maine, similar to when you get to the top of Florida, you have a long way to go. I looked at my Nav as I was telling my friend we just passed the Maine border and realized we still had about 5 hours to go. I don't understand that. Maine is like 3/4 inch big on the map. Let's face it, it's no Wyoming.

That being said, at some point my kids want me to shut up the singing. We play the all the car games, or at least that one that you go through the alphabet and say a name and a husbands name and where you live and what you sell. It's amazing how juvenile one can become nine hours into a road trip. Even if you're forty. Age doesn't count when you are cracking yourself up. Right?
"E my name is Eeyore. My husbands name is Egbert," I start with.
"Mom! Eeyore is a boy!"
""This is a gay couple. Now stop speaking out of turn," I say.
"We sell elegant edible undergarments for the elderly and we live East of the Elephants elbow in Egypt," I say proudly.
"Mom, this isn't Scattergories, you don't get more points for more E's."
" Oh yes I do, I think I just won the game with that and we're not even halfway through the alphabet."

At one point Saige said, "Chase is making out with his bear! He is so disgusting." I attempted to ignore the whole thing. Then she said, "Did you tell Mom about camp?" For this the music gets lowered a decibel. "What, did you make out at camp?" I ask, I haven't heard of this before. "Who did he make out with?" I ask Saige. "He won't tell me. I don't have a name," she said. "Did you make out or kiss?" I ask. "Just kissed, " he said. "What's the difference?" asked Saige. (I was curious too.) "When you make out, you mix tongues and exchange gum," Chase informed us. Very Good. Nuff said.

Sign- MOOSE- Next 10 Miles.
"Do you think we'll see one Mom?" Chase asked me.
"Good thinking positive Mom," he returned with.
"Good looking out Brother."
"Man, there are a lot of really cute dead animals on the side of the road," he said, somewhat dismayed.
"Well, you know what to do," I reminded him.
Insert our fake cross sign here.

"That is the most beautiful Moon I've seen!" Saige declared.
She was right.
It was huge and yellow. It looked like we were about to drive into it.
"Let's take a picture of it."
"Maine has the best moon ever." Saige said.
"Except that one in California," my little one upper chimed in.
Whatever, we are Moon people.


Wow, that was awkward said...

All of this makes me smile.

Meredith said...

That must be it! You're all Moon people. How are you posting this while driving? Just asking.
Love, Mom

Jules said...

Dang - I'm not making out right. I need to have gum.

And I love your stories!!

Anonymous said...

I think we forgot to tell that, while crossing the bridge into Maine, you're supposed to toast each other with circus peanuts (orange) while singing "we're in Maine, we're in Maine, we're in Maine, we're in Maine." To the tune "3 cheers for the red white and blue." Sousa marches and sugar highs will carry you for that next 30 minutes.

- Tom/John

Kathy said...

"Man, there are a lot of really cute dead animals on the side of the road,"

Sendin' the girls out with the red wagon right now!!!

Anonymous said...

it was on the drive to maine that gene was stopped in traffic in boston and rolled the window down just far enough to get his arm out but not far enough down to let much air-con out and banged his fist as hard as possible on the roof of car while cursing up a storm and chain-smoking with the cb blasting static.
that was fun 70's style. car trips always lead to good stories. remember the pennies toll booth on the way to greekpeak?

Lora said...

I am moon people too. Never ever does a night go by that I don't look for it and think about all the other people in the whole wide world who share the same moon.

I'm like Fievel. that rat thing in that old cartoon movie

erin said...

I love your kids' names.
And we considered driving to Maine this summer (we live in Western PA) but decided it was too far of a drive for this year. Maybe next year and we can stop along the way...but driving 14 hours with a two year old seems suicidal.