Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Toothfairy, Yes or No?

Listen to me. When did the tooth fairy become such a production? I'll admit that I am old, whatever, but honestly I'm kind of feeling superior about that right now. When I was a kid I didn't expect presents and a song and a dance or a hundred dollar bill when I lost a tooth. I expected like a buck at best. That's if the tooth fairy had given away all her shiny quarters.

Nowadays it's like a Broadway show, or at least the price of a ticket when nature occurs and one of your kids teeth falls out. Don't even get me started about when they get pulled, Jesus, you need to take out a loan for that nonsense.

The first time my daughter lost a tooth we were away in the mountains. Snowed in. Marc had hundreds in his pocket. I suggested we put some nuts under her pillow and call it a "food gift for the weather" he gave a hundred dollar bill. You can imagine how disappointed next time when we were home and completely forgot to put anything under there cause we'd had a few cocktails at dinner.

That's called, "The Early Morning Tooth Fairy Better Be Really Clever," so as not to wake the little sleeping angel when trying to get the tooth out and slip a little five spot under there sweet little head.

Those kids are wiley though! If you can't find the tooth or don't want to disturb them to much and miss taking it, they'll try to put it under a second night! One time Saige even wrote some note for Chase to the Tooth Fairy explaining why he should get paid twice. I think it was a good argument too.

Recently I was up in Maine with my very talented friend, and her daughter lost a tooth. My overachiever friend got her laptop out and was doing the google for origami with money! I swear to God. She made a bang up butterfly too out of some dollar bills. Then she cut up tin foil out into little pieces for "fairy dust." She sprinkled a trail from the door to the pillow. Saige was sitting down with us while she was doing that and the little hundred dollar ingrate had the nerve to ask me why I never did anything like that? Um...Let's see. I'm stupid, I guess. I don't know why. It never occurred to me. After about the sixth lost tooth I started to forgot until the morning, would have no cash and have to go steal it from my son's piggy bank to put under her pillow. Origami and cut up kitchen products would have been a bit of a stretch. However, I have made some mental notes for my next life time. I sure hope I have the same kids. If I do I'm totally going to make balloon animals out of money and capture some real fairies to keep in cages by the side of their beds then I am going to serve cake for breakfast and have magic elves carry them to school! I think that will make them totally happy. :)

13 comments:

Jules said...

No kidding! Students come in and tell me how much they get for one tooth these days and I'm shocked! I think the MOST I ever got was a quarter!

Lora said...

I got a dime for the little ones and quarters for the big ones.

And I liked it. dammit.

Meredith said...

Now that was funny. A hundred dollars is shocking.
Love, Mom

erin said...

Their dad does the tooth fairy stuff cause he's more kind and creative at his house...here I throw whatever I have lying around... two quarters, and old ring from one of those machines, a stuffed animal...
He puts special silver dollars or some cute crap like that. ;)

Wow, that was awkward said...

Be careful with those caged fairies. If you don't gag them, they will race around the cage banging the bars with their wands and yelling out obscene things they'd like to do to the magic elves. And there is a big black market for pixie dust in rock form. Not good my friend, not good.

Kathy said...

We have been informed many times how "cheap the Tooth Fairy is" to my kids. Hey, if the Tooth Fairy had wanted to give you an IPod, she would have made the pocket on the Tooth Pillows big enough to hold one. But she didn't. The pocket holds one tooth, then one quarter. Period. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Kathy - again said...

PS. But I am loving the origami dollar bills....... That would have been a good one.

Christy said...

I had to laugh at the tooth fairy forgetting to come because she's had too much to drink! Yeah, that's happened in my house on MORE than one occasion!

Shit! I thought our tooth fairy was doing well to leave $1 under the pillow! $100?! $5?! I think our kids had better not meet each other so as not to compare notes! Lol

Sue Jacquette said...

Ha!!!!! I've got some great toothfairy stories for you baby. Just wait till we have a few drinks and ask me. Especially if Jason's there.

twist said...

This totally ruins my new image.

Amy said...

Twisty, Are you home? I have now knitted two oversize blankets, 4 christmas sweaters and a partridge in pear tree. Does that help my old but ruined new and improved image???

twist said...

Yes. And here is a little nugget of wisdom for you from the homestead: When you have been away from home for some time, reacquaint yourself with the features of said home before doing handstands on your bed. My bed is, as I now see very clearly, situated directly beneath a ceiling fan.

Amy said...

Oh dear. I hope you didn't lose a toe or something. And on the bed? Interesting...
I have heard of a place that is a room full of trampolines all over as far as the eye can see. We need to find this room and attach a slack line above one.
Hey, do you have an extra room in your house? Johnny could make us a trampoline room?
You could call it gym class!!!