Saturday, January 3, 2009

Pendulums, Feathers and Twins...Oh My!

Like in a foot race (much like Gabe Kaplan and Robert Conrad in the Battle of The Network Stars-JJ, for you, even though you don't read) I am passing the baton. The baton of crazy that is. I have been given the complete go ahead to write this. I'm even allowed to use the words, crazy, insane and straight up whack.

So I have this friend see, she lives in another state, she is divorced and has many animals. I need to preface this by saying, I love her unconditionally. Her quirks make me laugh, so, I laugh a lot. She is one of those people that has no filter at all. Anything that remotely enters her mind automatically shoots out her mouth. Lots of times you have absolutely no idea wtf she's talking about. It doesn't matter either. She'll just keep on going.

A couple weeks ago she called me and told me she was coming home. She moved like 14 years ago. I have missed her a lot. She got married, divorced, now alimony has run out and it's time to come home. Or so we thought.
A couple days ago I was hanging with Asude and chatting and got a txt on my phone. "Call me ASAP when you are sitting down." I wasn't sitting down and you can never tell what is coming so I thought, "I'll wait until I get to my car." Shortly there after I was walking into Trader Joes (that's right) and I got another txt and it said, "I'm pregnant."

Now, I gotta be honest. A big huge grin passed across my face. For so many reasons. One, it's just insane. Two, she's always wanted a baby, this might not be ideal but she's not getting any younger. Three, it has nothing to do with me. It's her crazy. I couldn't love that anymore.

Here are the facts- 20 year old boyfriend, no real job, no health insurance, unclear where to live, family lives far far away, but happy as a clam. Couldn't be any happier. I'm thinkin' she was doing a jig, cause, well, she's crazy. Some of you know that. Finger to nose.

So, to put a closing (for now) on the insanity. We were chatting today and she tells me, "Even though my kids (Kids?-Plural?) won't have everything material, they will have love."

" Ok. That's cool. Why'd you say kid(s)? Are you having twins I don't know about?" I ask, confused.

This next part must be read really quickly without a breath so you will know how it sounded.

"Well," she informs, "the pendulum wouldn't stop. I know for sure I'm having a girl, maybe two girls, but also because it wouldn't stop there could be a boy in there too, And when I was on the phone today , and the feathers were pointing NSEW and that means maybe a boy, but definitely a girl, maybe two and when I was on the phone today my friends little 5 year old say Auntie... is having a boy and a girl. And my gorgeous earth mother friend who I am her spirit guide told me that the pendulum never lies so I think I might be having twins. And did you know that Courtneys husband ex girlfriend who was married to a BMX rider. but he died, and she's so gorgeous cause she's part Cherokee, but she sent Courtney's husband pictures of herself in the bath. Do you think that's appropriate Amy? Courtney tried to block the pictures. Then we asked the feathers and the feathers said one of each. I think the Indian has two kids. I'll probably have two kids. Oh, and my boyfriend is 20 an 1/2, he's handling it better than someone our age. So I told the realtor to forget putting my house up. I'm getting two new roomates, no, not the babies, strangers."

Breathe

Other phone rings.
"Hey," I say, "Let me call you right back."

10 comments:

Sue Jacquette said...

Things I love about this post...
1. jj (you know jason is not jj, right?)
2. Asude
3. finger to nose
4. our newest character... wait, does this mean she's not moving here?

Kathy S. said...

Okay, I totally followed that train of thought.... and in response:

1. what type of feathers? (yes, it does matter)

2. Totally inappropriate, unless a bubble bath with stategically placed rubber duckies.

3. Be sure 1 of the 2 new roomies can cook.

Best wishes, breathe, and remember, crazy is such a relative term......

Amy who wishes she had twins that weren't silicone. said...

Great story. Can't wait to get the confirmation on the twins. Fantastic delivery Amy.

Laura said...

Are you allowed to text being pregnant? And if it's possibly twins does it then need to be called in--orally and while one is sitting? There are just rules that are beyond me. Congratulations to your friend, and I hope that she will be the rock with all of the cool graffiti on it for her kid/s.

Christy said...

That is the funniest thing ever! I can totally imagine how this all went down (I had a friend like that in HS--completely crazy and amazing!)

I'm missing something, I think...finger to nose? Why don't I get that??

Amy said...

Sue- I know it's not Jason, but I like to say JJ. :)
Kathy- I don't know, freaky indian feathers?
Amy- although it didn't come up I loved that the last word of your name today was "silicone." Priceless.
Laura- I like that, she'll have some graffiti all right!
Christy- Hi! Finger to nose means, "Enough said."
Or like we like to say, "Nuff said." BUT if you just take your pointer finger and place it on the tip on the bottom right side of your nose and give a little squint then there is no need for words, it means, "Nuff said."
;) Get it?

teqiila it is said...

Honestly, this is the best blog i have ever found. I still can't stop lauging!

Christy said...

Got it...see? I'm doing it right now. 'Nuff said. :) LOL

Lula! said...

I am breathless just from reading this. You must keep us posted. You must.

I am loving the "finger to nose" thing, too. Simply loving it.

Anonymous said...

AAARRGGHHH!!! I can't believed you shared the finger to nose secret! That was like our own little Pixie handshake, Lil' M!!!!!