Friday, October 24, 2008

A Bedtime Story For Jen-Part One

Many years ago, before kids, before my two stupid dogs when I had two smart ones, Marc and I lived in a another house. Not far from where we live now. We were young but strangely not a whole lot different than we are today. Marc worked a lot I spent my time making things to sell and playing with my friends. This was way before I ever knew Rachel or Lisa or Christina. This was in the days of Jen and Ashley and Suzy. All who live far away now and I miss them everyday. This particular little ditty is about Jen. Ah Jen, my lurker friend. My sorority sister from college, my fellow white russian drinker. I have some kooky schemes now but back then I was slightly even wackier, if you could believe this. They weren't quite as elaborate as some of todays hair brained ideas, but stupid non the less. Jen was with me through most of them.......
Jen was there when I decided to paint the outside of my house by myself. Seriously, she sat there smoking a cigarette watching tv as I came up with the idea, she sat there smoking a cigarette watching tv when I drove to buy the paint and she sat there smoking a cigarette and watching tv when I put the first ill fated swipe of paint outside my doorway. Then she left. This project bored her. I never did finish that painting, much to Marc's annoyance because after a couple hours it bored me too. I always have loved doing things half assed. It's one of my special gifts. Jen also was the other part of my funniest American Home Video team that I have mentioned before, I made her fall "accidentally" on the pool that was covered in grime. Then I mistakenly taped another show over it. Whoops. Jen and I wrote letters to anyone we could think of. We wrote to a potato chip company one time because we found an odd shaped chip in our bag and we were disgruntled. In it we included a picture of the strange object with Jen's long red fingernail pointing at it. We wrote to Cosmopolitan magazine with a list of Ten Why Don't You's, that we thought was so funny and so inappropriate we are quite sure they must have banned us from ever darkening their doorstep should we try. Remember those lists? Do they still have them in there? Like, why don't you draw a bath for your boyfriend when he comes home from work? Why don't you eat less and lose ten pounds before summer? Those lists annoyed us so we made up our own. Why don't you walk down the street with your skirt stuck in the back of your underwear? Why don't you intentionally hide your husbands wallet and then watch him lose his mind before work? Why don't you replace all carbohydrates in your diet with candy corn for a week? The list goes on and on.
The whole point of this post is that Jen moved to Virginia years ago to teach children. I miss her terribly. We have a weekend coming up with a bunch of our sorority sisters and we were chatting on facebook last night about it and I mentioned something that happened in that time period and she asked me to blog it...............
The Lion, the Cable Guy and the Speakeasy.....stay tuned.

13 comments:

Brother Chris said...

I can personally attest to quality of kookiness this Jen brings to the table. She's up there with the best of them when it comes to all things Silly. It doesn't matter the subject, live or inanimate, Jen will put it in personal toaster, take it out, smear observations all over it and then sprinkle them with sarcasm - and I am a huge fan of sarcasm.

Amy, you should post her phone number on your blog preceded by... "Anyone looking for a good time call 867-5309 (or whatever the real number is)".

Next time you see your old pal, tell her Brother Chris still remembers her fondly, and chuckles when recalling some of her hi-jinks.

Tiffany said...

Okay, I am kind of freakin out right now, cause I have a friend that is my Jen, and we used to write letters too. To company's that pissed us off.

We did so, sitting around our apartment smoking cigarettes and watching a VHS of Seinfeld episodes.

I so would have wanted to repaint the house, and she would have been bored, and in usual form, I would have half-assed it as well.

Once we went on a drive out of boredom and ended up in San Fransisco. (About 7 hours away.).

Anonymous said...

Amy! How dare you! I recall, my dear, that you and I were neck and neck in the Ciggie 500, and often times you lapped me ! Thank god the 7-11 was close by..Not to bring you down off of your (cyberfriends-erected) pedestal for a moment, but I thought a different (the real one) point of view should be presented!I did try to talk you out of the house-painting episode. I just forgot to say it out loud. My lips were too busy huffing down a pack of Marlboro Lights with you. I did ask you to rethink the decision, however, when you decided to cut the grass with sewing scissors. I am sure it probably had something to do with me being annoyed that you were busy doing somethin industrious, instead of joining me on the highway to hijinksville. I miss you too, Chris! I am trying to tame the sarcasm these days, but fortunately, I have good people like you in my corner, dragging it out, and making me parade it around for all to see...Amy, why didn't we just cave to tradition and get jobs, back in the day, instead of trying to LURE the pool boy, ahem, pool MAN, into undressing! Showing off his lean, taut, rippling abs...

where am I ? Oh yeah, dumb as a box o' grass, but whoo-whee....When are we leaving for the Hershey spa? WhatEVER will you do without Rachel for 30 hours??:)

Depending upon my work/social life/ribbon-cutting ceremony demands, I will probably be up to the WC sometime Sat morning. Can't wait to see you again!

LOve And Pixies,
Jen The Big Mouse (Formerly Known As The Lurker, Especially When The Dog Trainer's Around)

Amy said...

Chris- Yes Jen rocks. You got her number right. You got it. You got it.
Tiffany-It's to bad we live across the country from each other, cause I'm thinkin' we'd be friends. Trouble kinda friends. A 7 hour unplanned road trip is right up my alley.
Jen, Where do I start? Yes, many many years ago I did partake in a ciggie here and there. It has been about a decade or so since that has taken place. Can I hop back on the pedestal now?
Rachel also said she deserved that comment.
I can't wait to see you.
Peace, Love and Pixies Baby.

Simple Answer said...

I am soooo looking forward to Part 2!

Anonymous said...

...and I love Chris's metaphorical-speak. He's really shining on this one...Ech-to-the-olla....
Jen

Brother Chris said...

Is it just me being naive or is anyone else amused that Jen uses the pseudonym "anonymous" and then signs off "hearts and smoochers - Jen" (or some similar fluffy, pithy maxim).

Amy, perhaps you could run this up the old Blogpole -how about a contest to give 'anonymous' a real pen name? You could concoct 3 of your faves or ask for ideas (Ciggy Starburst? J-Dawg?) and then let your loyal fans vote.

We could wind up the vote a week from this Tuesday (wink, wink) and Jen would have to agree to use the nickname for at least 4 years, but no more than 8.

Kathy S. said...

"Ciggy Starburst" Creative. 1 Vote.

kayla said...

great blog some how i found you when i was looking for stuff on our son and his birth defect on esophageal atresia such a great blog site you have i wish you all the best.

Sue Jacquette said...

You should right a movie. I'll bet you can kick Juno's a**. What does that stripper/screenplay writer have that you don't? Seriously. I happen to know someone in the business and I will sleep with him to get him to hand your screenplay to someone. I'm just that good a friend.

Anonymous said...

Oh Chris. YOu are so cute. I love the 4 yr. thing. Good for you for incorporating politics. I thought I'd be flying under the radar with the'anonymous' thing. I am a dork.
Peace, Love and Pixies,
Ciggy Stardust

Lula! said...

Oh, I can't wait to hear the story. And about your weekend of fun.

Did Jen smoke?

p.s. I'm stealing Ciggy Starburst. 'Cause that's just classic right there.

Christy said...

"I decided to paint the house all by myself and other crazy ideas by Amy." I'll give you that title--you should write a book about these! Totally funny!

I do stuff like that all the time (mostly b/c I think whatever I want to do will be a piece of cake and I don't want to be bothered with the work of it!)
Steve loves to tell the story about the time we were in college (and he happened to be running a lot) and I decided I wanted to go with him one day (never having exercised a day in my life.) He asked how far I wanted to go, and I was like, "oh, let's take it easy. Only 5 miles or so today." He just laughed at me and I was all disgruntled, then after jogging for about a block, I stopped and looked at him, then turned around and walked back to my apartment! LOSER!