"I'm Sure it's Twins"

Here we go again.
Pregnant friend and her stream of consciousness. It just delights me.

"Why do you think it's twins?" I ask.
"The pendulum said so." she answered.
Ah of course, if the pendulum said so... it's true.

And here it goes, remember, read quickly, no breaths. This is how it went down. I actually took notes, just so I could share it with you guys. Don't say I never did anything for you.

"So I went over to Courtney's house cause she called me and told me her pendulum had been acting crazy. At first it said only one and was hanging straight down. And then it starting moving. So I asked it questions, are you a girl? Yes it said. But it sounded like more than one so I asked it, are you two girls? Yes. It answered. Then the pendulum started swinging all over the place and Sherri's did too. So my Mom said, go on the internet and research the statistics. I did. And you know my dad was a twin and I'm older. And they talk to me. The twins. They are so funny. I ask them what they like. They are sick of oatmeal cause I ate it three days in a row. They're funny. I asked what they want their names to be. One said, Lola. I said, are you Lola. She said yes. I was like who the hell is Lola? I'm not allowed to name her that though because Suzy and my Mom think it's a strippers name. Damn! the pool is closed until further notice. I really wanted to swim in that bacteria ridden pool. I'm going to have a meltdown."

"No, no meltdown," I say calmly, "tell me about the twenty year old boyfriend."

"Oh Nick? He's fine I guess. I really don't care. I mean I know he's the father of my children but men have served their purpose for me. I feel like I could run out in the wilderness or a cave and live with women. Not that I'm a lesbian or anything. I don't think I am at least, it's just I don't really need men anymore. And now they're coming out of the woodwork. My Hispanic mechanic wants to marry me and be the father of my baby. And the African American guy who works at the club, he wants to marry me too. All the ethnic ones are all over me. And the non ethnic ones. Old boyfriends, friends, Brian, Devin, Jared, there's a whole species out there that wants a pregnant woman." Insert me starting to laugh here. To bad all those single Mom's with deadbeat dads didn't find one of her ethnic/non ethnic father bears. I love her. I'm allowed to write this. I was given permission. "I just don't want any men in my life at all. It's just going to be me and my girls. My Mom always said, I hope you have twin girls, as payback for what a pain in the ass you were."

Well, I guess only time will tell... she's just six weeks now.