Tuesday, September 2, 2008

What A Day

Wow, there is just so much to say today. This election is looking like some bizarre movie. The Fargo version of Election '08. Seriously, Hollywood couldn't write this nonsense, but I'm not going to say anything about that.
I'm going to tell you about my dog (the big dumb one, who's really not that dumb, just bad). Does anyone need a really super gorgeous German Shepherd? She loves women, she's good with small dogs, she hasn't bitten anyone in ages. The problem is she likes to eat people food all the time. She is like Macguyver getting it. I don't know how she does it. Lots of times it's a mystery. Marc is convinced she has one of those grabber toys that kids have. You know, with the little hand you squeeze and it pinches together and it picks up stuff. We just don't see how else she could manage it. Tonight I had one of those chickens that the grocery store people make for you. It comes in a container that snaps closed. I pushed it as far back in the corner of the counter that I could. The kids ate the side parts and the legs were for Marc. I went upstairs and got in bed. When I went down to get something I saw the empty container on the floor. The whole thing, devoured. Every bone, every morsel. Next time I'm getting one and injecting arsenic in it. Does anyone know where you get arsenic? Because seriously she is going to push me over the edge. If she's not ripping through the trash or shredding wheats all over the kitchen than she's eating Marc's dinner. So, you want her? I'll throw in Mickey if that helps.

9 comments:

Brother Chris said...

You'll find arsenic in the Poison Foods section of the grocery store. In my grocery it's aisle #8- I think. Oh, and here's a tip for keeping your sweet puppies out of the chicken - PUT IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR!!! I don't think this is really a dog problem at all. Perhaps a little less time on iTunes and a bit more in the kitchen and you might find some of these issues correcting themselves. You know I'm just having some fun at your expense my beloved sister (who cares if you store all your CD's in your dishwasher - at least they're out of the way). I thought good old Sarah could use a morning chuckle.

I don't want to take up too much of your time with a long post, I know you're probably busy on your way to yoga, or Hawaii or something. Catcha later.

Amy said...

Thanks for the tip. Good idea, it's like Nebraska being the cornhusker state and there being a lot of corn there. Who knew?

And yes, on the way to yoga..... Love you.

Lula! said...

She is super gorgeous...I know you really want to keep her, right? I mean, MacGuyver-ish German Shephered is pretty darn swell. You have to admit!

Meredith said...

My friends invented the PERFECT toy for your McGuyver dog - it's called a puppy pinata. It's a stuffed animal with treats sewn inside that they have to shake and bite and torture to get the yummy stuff out. Let me know if you want me to send you some...they are just bringing it to market and offered me samples for my friends. I think cyber friends count don't you?

Anonymous said...

I have to totally agree with Chris. Especially the "...less time on iTunes..." comment. Correcting themselves!!! Priceless, my friend!
Jen

Christy said...

I ALWAYS keep a stash of arsenic laying around just in case the need to use it ever arises...I'll send you some. OMG--I would be pissed too. One of our dogs did that the other day with a chicken (not the whole thing, just the leftovers) and I was all, "if those chicken bones get stuck coming out the other end, you are SO not getting surgery!" Of course, I was kidding...I think.

MarkNYC said...

I'm thinking you should feed Mickey a tranquilizer, role him in some butter and Shake N Bake, stick him in that chicken container, and leave the container on the counter. As long as your big shepherd eats everything--bones and all--there's no proof that anything happened. You can sleep easy knowing that at least one of your problems will be solved when you come downstairs in the morning.

twist said...

Did you know that Sarah Palin grew up with a German Shepherd? Maybe you could offer Lucy to Sarah. That way, if Ms. Palin ends up in office, at least we'd know that SOMEONE (Lucy) would be capable of cleaning up the chicken-carcass of a government Bush is passing on. See, Larry, how I turned a perfectly innocent dog post political?

twist said...

that was supposed to read: "if, god forbid, Ms. Palin ends up in office..."