Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I Think You Should Be A Countess

I swear to God, it's only on in the background. I don't actually watch The Real Housewives of New York City, or those one's in California or those gals in Atlanta. Never. I have heard of them, cause my Dad likes that show. I myself, will not admit to watching any of that drivel, that nonsense, that friggin' train wreck. Well...maybe once. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. ;)

Here we are Tuesday night. It's cold again right? Well, not for you girls in Florida, you know who you are. Hanging out your laundry, collecting sharks teeth, doing all your Florida stuff. Some of us are up here in the dregs of winter. Oh, we pretend it's Spring. We get a nice day and the windows get opened, the flip flops come out, we hang the winter coat in the closet and close the door. Then we get hit with a cold blast of wind. What do we do? Do we cry? No. That's stupid. Do we curse winter? No. What would be the point? So we just curl up in our nice warm beds and either read a classic (that's what I do) but see, my dog, Mickey, he likes the tv. He can't read. He's so dumb.

Here enters the housewives of NYC. Although, technically, (if we're using exact words) they're not all housewives. That Bethany isn't married. I like her. I mean, Mickey likes her. She's funny. I just glanced up from my book, "Moby Dick," and caught her and that tall gal at dinner. Bethany was totally busting on her for being a countess. The tall one thinks being a countess is a very important gig. Perhaps it is. I don't know. I'm only a Magical Elf myself. Only by marriage, from a few generations back. I'm pretty sure that's why I can twitch my nose and dirty dishes appear under my sons bed. These women literally are cracking me up. The one, Luanne, wrote a book called "Class With the Countess." Now Bethany is all but rolling her eyes. She can't quite figure out how Luanne from the hood who married the Count of Counting from Sesame Street has more class than her or anyone else for that matter. I'm kind of curious too. Not enough to buy the book, but curious nonetheless. Well, that's what Mickey my dog/cat told me. And don't even get me started on the blond one with the jumpy eyes, she my friends, is like the cherry on top of this big crazy cake. Says Mickey...


Mark said...

Oh no, not you, too. And, Dad??? What is happening with this world? It must be that we all need a mindless escape from the crumbling economy and everything else that is falling apart these days. The Republicans will blame Obama for this inane Housewives phenomenon, but let's remember that they gained popularity during Bush's reign of terror. But you, Amy, one of the smartest, sanest--no, strike that one--people I know? How did this happen? Oh yes, that's right, it's all Mickey's fault. Just another reason that little, epileptic fur ball has given me to want to soak him in honey and corn flakes and toss him like a tennis ball across your lawn to give that wolf of yours (what's her name?) a little fun and easy prey for an afternoon. I, myself, watched American Idol tonight, two reasonably well-spent hours. They actually have some good talent this year. We'll have to see if good talent or marketability wins out this season. Last season, the most talented competitor (Melinda Doolittle) didn't even make it to the final two, but I have to admit that I enjoyed the eventual winner's big hits more than I liked Doolittle's recent CD, which was a little boring. I'll end this with a plea to your blog readers to choose Idol over Housewives. Somehow, I think that's a losing proposition, seeing as how the Housewives are a bunch of crazies, not exactly the cool kind, but entertaining nonetheless.

Simple Answer said...

Funny. My dogs ALSO liked to watch real housewives. What is up with those crazy mutts?

The tour driver in Cairo called me Queen. Doesn't that make me better than a countess?

Kathy S. said...

Okay, my dog doesn't watch The Housewives but from what I can tell, none of those women in the 3 cities has anything on us. C'mon, we have horned demons, Mickey, a deranged cat and more goofy drama than all the Turner networks combined. Plus our ace-in-the-hole: we have someone who is banging (can I say that?) a TV Producer. Let the cameras roll!

As far as Idol...Talent vs Marketability? Let's see. We have singers who are:

sight impaired
Indian/North Carolinian
Cute as Skipper (Barbie's younger sis)
single parent

Hmmmmm... It will be interesting to see which demographic will win.

christina said...

My dogs prefer "The Rock of Love the Bus Tour" We are talking real train wreck. It is at times even too much for them.

Sue Jacquette said...

Mark, I too watch idol, but have been known to catch an episode or two of that housewives show. I like the NY one because I like Bethany (so does Jason, but for totally different reasons).

Kathy, YES! The housewives of Chester county is filming baby. Our sweeps week was in late October, but this season we have all new dramas, new villains, new ambitions, and even some new characters.

Amy said...

Good morning Lovely women (I'm talking to you to Mark)- I did watch AI with the kids. Fast forwarded through some. I do appreciate waking up to the phrase, "Bush's reign of terror," that's a funny. You know my wolf's name is Lucy. I'm still considering the honey.

SA- I think that cab driver is totally right! As long as someone calls you a queen, voila- you are a Queen. Better get the old type writer out and start pounding away on your new book.

Kathy- We will win. You are right. They've got nothing on us.

Christina- What the hell are you doing up so early? My dog hasn't seen that show but perhaps will dvr it just to see if he likes it.

Sue- Finger to nose baby.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You have hit the nail on the head. I am obsessed with the TRHONYC, esp. Luann. Ahem. Countess Luann. Did you catch the episode where she claims to have been a nurse? It all makes sense now. She is probably spiking the Count of Counting's feeding tube with chloroform. That's why he's always "on business in Europe", when really, he's locked up, bound and gagged ala "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?"
Oh, and yuck. Crazy eye Ramona is on lithium. So says Bethanny and her bestie, The Fabric Queen of Brooklyn, when they were on the Bonnie Hunt show. See? Told ya. I got the fever for the flavor of a trainwreck.
LOve you!
Bong. James Bong.

Meredith said...

News flash for you. . .for when you finish "Moby Dick." You'll be done by September, won't you?

NEW YORK — In a time of cost-cutting in the publishing industry, wallets opened wide for a long-awaited second novel.

Audrey Niffenegger's "Her Fearful Symmetry," her first book since the million-selling "The Time Traveler's Wife," has been acquired by Scribner and will be published in September, spokesman Brian Belfiglio said Tuesday.

The advance was at least $4 million, according to two publishing officials with knowledge of the negotiations. They declined to be named, saying they were not authorized to discuss financial details.

Virtually all of the major publishers had bid for the novel, the story of twin American girls who live near a cemetery in London. "Time Traveler's Wife," published by MacAdam/Cage, came out in 2003.

P.S. (We don't watch this any more; the Orange County ones did us in.)
Love, Mom

Lora said...

my cat loves that show too. and she is totally creeped out by the wacky skinny blonde who can't bear to be more than 3 feet away from her husband, and she likes bethany, and she can't seem to figure out luanne either.

my poor car got roped into a RH marathon last saturday. she didn't get anything else done.

The Family Julz said...

You are so cute!

The Housewives are a train wreck that I too cannot stop myself from rubbernecking. It comes in spurts, like when no one is home. Which is usually in the mornings after a couple too many glasses of wine the night previous. ;)

Amy not a clue said...

Thank you for the DL on a hip cable program. I may try to pass that info off as my own the next time I'm pressed for proof of hipness.