Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Off the Winter Wagon

I've had enough. For real. I get it. It's cold. It's ugly. My fingers are frozen most of the time. That stupid muskrat saw his shadow or didn't see his shadow, which ever way makes it keep being winter. That whole thing reminds me of when you hear people say, "They're off the wagon," about someone drinking. I could never remember if 'off the wagon,' was the good one or the bad one. Maybe the got off the wagon cause it was full of booze. Or maybe the wagon was full of liquor, they drank it and then fell off the wagon. It was confusing to me.

Okay, I just googled it. It seems in the 1800's (back in the day) some crazy folks decided they wanted to live with no alcohol so they campaigned for the government to ban it. Damn, they really needed some more hobbies. Anyway, in literal terms (I'm all about exact words, just like Greg Brady) a wagon was a water cart that was used to hose down streets when they got to dusty. These guys would rather jump on the cart and drink water than quench their thirst with a drip of alcohol. Clearly this was before the invention of the mojito. So I guess if they hung out on the wagon they could drink water. If they got OFF the wagon it was cosmos and beer bongs. Now we all know. You can thank me later.

What was I talking about? Winter. Yes. It sucks. It's stupid and it's starting to grate on my nerves. Twist, could you possibly give one of those nice things about winter lists (don't recycle any old stuff though) I need a little pick me up. I'm going to go lie out now and get a tan. I think the sun will reflect nicely off the ice rink in my back yard.
Look at my poor, "dog that actually is a dog."

8 comments:

The Family Julz said...

I feel you, although my fingers aren't frozen, my beach is currently impenetrable with these winter winds. And that dog is so CUTE!

Kathy S. said...

Never mind chasing rats, I am going to train Lucy to get that Groundhog!!!! Bill Murray style of course.

Lula! said...

Brilliant writing (love some literal Greg Brady), lesson in wagoneering days, a mojito mention, and a shared hatred of winter...TOTALLY LOVE THIS POST, Amy.

I needed to read this today. And I need to "visit" with you soon, as well...will e-mail later on today.

p.s. I painted my toenails green last night. Said, "DARN YOU, BLACK TOES OF WINTER!" Black is chic...but green is SPRING! Amen.

twist said...

Did I say nice things about winter? That was when it WAS winter. WTF? If I have to put one more screaming child in one more sticky snowsuit, Mommy's gonna crack. Or how 'bout when I'm scraping an ice slick off my windshield and my little darlings open the sunroof to see what will happen to the 8 inches of snow sitting on the roof? WHERE is spring? And WHERE is my margarita?

Lora said...

I can never keep that wagon thing straight either. thanks for the story!

Sue Jacquette said...

I hate it, too, baby. You know I believe in evolution, and my people evolved to sit on the Mediterranean and drink. That's what I'm built to do. I am definitely NOT from hearty Nordic stock.

Val said...

Ugh, I know! If I see one more snow flake I am going postal!

Wep said...

Poor cold puppy! I'm ready for some spring too. This weekend was AWESOME. It was so nice to meet you last week :) I'll be back in the area sometime to contest my speeding ticket ;)