Sunday, March 29, 2009

"I'm Right, Right?"


This was all we heard as Ashley and I were clutching our stomachs rolling on the ground in hysterics as our fiery friend Lori was showing us how she has many of the same qualities as the dog whisperer. Now, let's not bother with the fact that she doesn't have a dog. She has a tv, she's Mexican and she's seen Cesar, she knows what going on.

It was Saturday night and my house was full of kids (doing God's knows what) and dogs running the joint. Ashley, Lori and I were in the living room chatting. The kids were going up and down the stairs, in and out the door, at one point Lori smelled something burning. Luckily it was only two little plastic toys Chase and his friend melted together. Lucy was searching for food and Mickey was dancing with his new baby. Lori asked me, "Do you discipline these dogs?" I just smiled at Ashley. She looked at me and laughed.
Lori says, "What? What's funny?"
"Nothing," I say as Mickey does a "special" dance with his new stuffed toy.
"Mickey, stop doing that dance in front of company." I say.
"He does NOT understand a word you're saying, you know that right? I'm right. Have you ever watched Cesar Milan?" Lori says.
Ashley and I laugh.
"He understands this," I say. Then I begin to babble incoherently to him. Just to annoy her.
"Watch me!" she instructs. "I can get him to do anything with out saying a word. It's all hand signals." Then she starts gesturing at him. He jumps up on the couch next to me with a questioning look. I keep quiet. I know what's good for me. She can't get his attention with her signals so she slaps him in the side of the head. (not hard) Still, I grab him on my lap as Ashley and I almost go into convulsions of laughter. She really has Cesar down pat. He's always slapping dogs upside the head on that show. She is not going to stop though, "Put him down! He'll listen." ( I thought the point was him not listening, but whatever) at this point he growled at her and bared his baby teeth. Ashley fell off her chair.
"What? What's so funny. I'm right! I'm right!."
Mickey sits down on the floor.
"Sit! Sit!" she demands.
"He is sitting." I say. "I don't get it."
She starts clucking at him.
Ashley thinks she has done some sort of physical damage to her lung by laughing.
Lori tells me to get my other dog (the skittish German Shepherd) in here. She's going to train her. "Listen, I don't need a law suit ." I say.
Now I love Lori but I think if Cesar knew what was going on he might smack her in the side of the head and with a law suit all in one fell swoop.


Kathy (slowly leaving out the "S." the way Mellencamp slowly dropped "Cougar") said...

Too Funny. Next post has to be what Mickey was thinking about all of this.......

Amy said...

Kathy, no need for the S. We know who you are. You do need an icon with your picture though. Go set that up. Mickey was thinking something along the lines of , "WTF?" and I know that because I understand everything he is thinking. :)

Simple Answer said...

I do enjoy that show. But my dogs? Not a manner between them!

heather said...

Okay...this is hystericl! If she slapped Lucy in the side of the head there definitely would have been a lawsuit involved. Only wish I could have been there to witness this myself. I would have peeed my pants, and that would have sucked, cause I would have had to wear them cause yours are too small for me!

christy said...

Oh man, that must have been hilarious! I try to b e Cesar all the time with my dogs, but it doesn't work for me either. He makes it seem so simple with his little "chshttt" noise, but my dogs don't lay down at my feet when I do it. Send Lori over here so I can feel better about my dog training attempts!

curious one who loves ring dings said...

And by the way, how did Chase and his friend melt two toys together without burning the house down? I'm just saying...And were you three drinking boxed wine for this occasion?

Lula! said...

Was there wine involved when all of this went down? Surely there was.

For y'all, I mean...not the dog. Bwahahahaha!!!!

Amy said...

RIng Ding Lover and Lula, You know there was wine. Is it even necessary to ask? :)
Marc had a long talk with Chase about the melting of objects. When I said something to him about it he just rolled his eyes. That was fun.
This wasn't even half the story...

Sue Jacquette said...

I love that little Mexican!

I mean Lori, not Caesar.

Although I'm sure Caesar is a wonderful guy, I just don't have feeling for him like that.

Lori, though. Love her.