My friend Jen and I have had a little competition going for years and years. We like to write letters to people or companies who we feel have wronged us. Nine times out of ten these letters don't get sent because our only goal is to make the other one laugh harder with the goofiest phrases and words we can come up with that would fit that particular subject. They have ranged from a severely bizarre looking potato chip that we felt ruined the whole bag to a neighbor who just plain pissed me off. Like I said, we are really the only ones who see these. Thank God, or they would put us away. She sent me one today that she had written about some field trip her class had taken that was not up to her standards. It was funny but it reminded me of one she wrote that I have had for the past ten years. She made it from me but she actually wrote it. It was to Toys R Us. I am going to post it here because it still makes me laugh when I read it.
April 8, 1998
To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing this letter because it has come to my attention that certain matters have not been addressed as have been promised forthcoming. As per the letter I had written dated back in October, I had a very unfortunate encounter within your store, not ONCE, but TWICE. I keep asking myself, do others experience the kind of ineptitude that is running rampant throughout your supposed kind-hearted store, and if so, what have they done about it?
After the initial letter I sent expressing my dismay at the way I was treated, I spoke with a representative from your headquarters who assured me that I would be receiving "jeffrey dollars" as though this would assuage any ill will felt toward your franchise. Well imagine my dismay, when I have finally realized that in addition to the flagrant rudeness with which you allow your employees to act, I have to deal with empty promises made from those in positions that should know better that to try to artificially appease the above average consumer. Obviously, when I wrote the afore-mentioned letter, I was in my final months of my pregnancy. Since then my daughter and I have been forced to shop at your store for convince sake, whenever those necessary items are needed. I have make a point to shop at other stores when I need to purchase other high ticket items, and as my daughter grows, I know that it will be easier to travel farther to other establishments in the hope of being treated with the courtesy that I, and every other consumer deserve.
PS I have left at an undisclosed location will be UNLESS the following are addressed. I am requesting:
1. Any and all retire Beanie Babies IN THEIR ORIGINAL PACKAGING
2. A LIFETIME SUPPLY OD DIAPER GENIES AND DIAPER ATTACHMENTS
3. $1000 in UNMARKED JEFFREY DOLLARs TO BE LEFT AT A MUTUALLY AGREEABLE LOCATION