Off the Winter Wagon

I've had enough. For real. I get it. It's cold. It's ugly. My fingers are frozen most of the time. That stupid muskrat saw his shadow or didn't see his shadow, which ever way makes it keep being winter. That whole thing reminds me of when you hear people say, "They're off the wagon," about someone drinking. I could never remember if 'off the wagon,' was the good one or the bad one. Maybe the got off the wagon cause it was full of booze. Or maybe the wagon was full of liquor, they drank it and then fell off the wagon. It was confusing to me.

Okay, I just googled it. It seems in the 1800's (back in the day) some crazy folks decided they wanted to live with no alcohol so they campaigned for the government to ban it. Damn, they really needed some more hobbies. Anyway, in literal terms (I'm all about exact words, just like Greg Brady) a wagon was a water cart that was used to hose down streets when they got to dusty. These guys would rather jump on the cart and drink water than quench their thirst with a drip of alcohol. Clearly this was before the invention of the mojito. So I guess if they hung out on the wagon they could drink water. If they got OFF the wagon it was cosmos and beer bongs. Now we all know. You can thank me later.

What was I talking about? Winter. Yes. It sucks. It's stupid and it's starting to grate on my nerves. Twist, could you possibly give one of those nice things about winter lists (don't recycle any old stuff though) I need a little pick me up. I'm going to go lie out now and get a tan. I think the sun will reflect nicely off the ice rink in my back yard.
Look at my poor, "dog that actually is a dog."