Sunday, June 22, 2008

Bullying 101


Chase and I are out by the pool. Here's how it goes:
"Mom, can you help me with my back dive?"
"Of course, start on the step."
So he goes to the big seat step thing in the deep end and he perfects it.
"Okay, now do it off the dive," I say.
He looks a little ambivalent.
"I'm scared," he says.
"Are you kidding me? You race go-karts at 50 miles an hour. You do jumps on your motorcycle and you are afraid to jump backwards off the dive? Come on. It's not brain surgery." Admittedly, this is a bit harsh, but he can do this.
So he gets up there and thinks about it for a bit and then does it. Yeah. Good job. Now I can lie quietly and get a tan. No, no I can't.
"Good job baby."
"My brain told me no, but my heart said yes."
How cute is he?
"I'm glad you listened to your heart."
"Okay, now can you teach me to do a back flip?"
I haven't back flipped in a looong time. But okay. I try to lead him through it. He's not understanding. He asks me to show him. Ah. I don't know. So, I think, I guess I can do it. I get up on the board. Now it's my turn to feel a little nervous. He can drive a go-kart, but can he drive me to the hospital? I don't think so.
"What, are you scared? You chicken Mom?" Balk Balk."
He did not just give me the balk balk. Then he takes his little hands and balls them into fists and rotates them near his eyes as he goes, "You gonna cry?"
So I did the flip. It was good too. I got out. He looked impressed. So I did it again.
"Now it's your turn Chay," I say.
Not quite so lippy now.
"Come on, I'm old and I can do it. What? You're not even gonna try?" You scared?" It's okay baby, you don't have to do it. I'll be the only one who can, your old mom."
So he shoots me a look, then he flips too. Goes all the way around.
He gets out and says, "You just made me mad. I had to do it."
"Well then my work here is done."
"Mom, can you put a picture of me doing that on your blog?"
And that's how we got here.

15 comments:

Mel said...

That is too funny! I've been known to bully one or twice too.

Kathy Steinmetz said...

Chase - Awesome back flip!

Anna's Mom

Mrs. R said...

You can still do a back flip? I need to take up Yoga. Now.

Amy said...

I am loving that pool. Good for Chase!

Meredith said...

Oh, thank you, finally a post I can understand. Way to go, Chase. Beautiful form and execution. Very brave, too. By the way, did Mommy tell you she could do back flips when she was 4 years old? She was famous. People would just gaze in awe at her backflips. It's good to know she still has it in her. I loved "but can he drive me to the hospital?" Actually, he probably could.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

You are one rockin' cool mom.

Hallie :)

Simple Answer said...

A back flip? I don't even bend down to pick stuff up off the floor anymore. The kids are soooo much closer.

Glad you visited me - I read through and you have a great sense of humor! I'll be back. (one of the only movie quotes I know.)

Sarah said...

Way to go Chase!

Love,

Aunt Sarah

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Awww, good mom you. I don't go near pools, much less attempt dives and/or flips and such...

I've created a blog monster with my son - every time I sit down in front of the computer, he begs me to write about something he's doing or to post a picture he's taken (usually of a Star Wars action figure).

American in Norway said...

Good job. What a cutie!

Jami said...

such awesome motivation between mother and child.
and there's no way you are old.
not even close.
just as fun as your youthful self with a bit more sense. maybe. ha.

The Girl Next Door said...

THis is a great blog and you are MY KIND OF MOM!!! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Christy said...

First of all, I'm jealous of the pool. We use the pool at our gym mostly, and it's a long walk from the lounge chair to the water if you know what I'm saying...wait, of course you don't know what I'm saying b/c you can still do a back flip! I'm not sure I can continue my readership...LOL. Seriously, I'm impressed.

BTW--thanks for stopping by & leaving a comment for me!

Laurie of the Seven Stories said...

Hey,can come teach me to dive. Grew up with a pool in my back yard, but still never learned.
Then again, my mom couldn't swim.
Go figure!

MarkNYC said...

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm with Mrs. R: I need to take up yoga. My guess is that fewer than 1% of people in their 30s can do a back flip. Impressive. Your kids are lucky to have such a young mom. You're an inspiration to them and to the rest of us, Amy.