Friday, June 6, 2008

Marc, Don't Read This

This is truly a show about nothing. Well, not really nothing, a bath plug. Yes, a bath plug. You see, if you know Marc and I then you would know we (me really) are kind of scatterbrained. It's true. It's not nice I clumped him in there with me. He's only forgetful when he hasn't really listened. That's normal. I am forgetful....a lot. I lose things. I forget appointments, I'll miss a bill here and there (sorry honey). I simply can't help it. My brother, the magazine researcher (is that what you do Mark?) diagnosed me with ADD. At least it's an excuse. Usually my only recourse when called on my faulty actions is belligerence. I'm just not sure how else to react. I do find myself saying, "SORRY!" like a child. Thankfully Marc, my husband, is used to this, he has more patience than you can imagine and like I said previously, one of his special gifts is fixing things and making them right. Which works out perfectly dealing with me.
Here comes the bath plug part. So, we moved in this house a little over nine years ago. About nine years ago all the bath plugs in our house vanished. Right into thin air. Like socks in a dryer. One might think, "Hey, go to Home Depot, do yourself a solid, get some new bath plugs." Yeah, no. I can never seem to remember to do that. For a long long time we used this little pink cup out of Saige's baby bath toy stacking cups and it fit perfectly. So, see, no reason to make a special trip. We used that for years. Quite recently for some reason, that goes beyond me, the cleaning people took that little pink cup. I know it was them, the cup was here, they were here, the cup was gone. Even Mickey could do the math on that one. I don't know if they thought it was trash, I don't understand. I didn't know how to ask for it without sounding like a complete moron so I just ignored it was gone and took showers. Marc likes to take baths. He was upset. So I found this perfectly sized little face lotion container that blocked it. The only problem was getting it out, it was the exact height of the drain. So then I got these enormous rusty plier things and used them. Can you say white trash? Guess what? The cleaning people took that container too. Marc was furious. We think they're just screwin' with us. So being quite MacGuyverish he fashions a bath plug out of an old prescription container and tape. I'm not even kidding. It totally works. You're not going to believe this, last Friday rolls around, Jose and his wife who speaks no English, so I don't know her name are here and poof, that's gone too. Do you think they have missing bath plugs at home and just can't believe how clever we are? Or are they like, wtf are these things these idiots have all over the bathroom. Let's tidy up for them. Right in the trash can. So, I just went upstairs and saw a new one Marc made. It's making me a little nervous, cause today's Friday. I'm thinking of hitting Home Depot for Fathers Day. I hope he's not reading this.

Fig.1

8 comments:

Amy said...

My husband won't let me near the bills. I'm feeling ya on the ADD thing.

heather said...

as a friend of mine once said, it's the time people. when something is missing and there is no explanation, it must be the time people rearranging things and making them dissappear just to get a good laugh. but this all makes sense to me. of all the times i've stayed over (extended stays) at your house, and eyed up that very sweet tub and thought to myself "how nice it would be to soak and relax". even crazier, "maybe even turn on the jets!" upon trying that i've thought, "wtf". i literally thought i was going crazy. how can this beautiful house have a lovely bathtub that just doesn't plug? where is it? that's when i noticed the little pink cup that seemed to fit, but obviously would only work for a soak, and if you weren't moving too much. as far as all the time and energy spent rigging the drains...you guys could have found a cure for aids now! just go buy a damn plug already. okay, okay...i'm no better. i'm the biggest procrastinator around so i can't talk. so the moral of my comment is let's all put our creative brain power together and do something really great...or better yet let's just have some wine, procrastinate some more and have a few laughs.

Kathy Steinmetz said...

Could you pick up a plug for our tub? Seriously, I'm not kidding. It has been "on the list" since we moved in almost 6 years ago. We've been using washcloths to plug up the drain for the kids when they take jacuzzi bubbble baths (very funny but the bubbles will get way out of control). Any color will do. Thanks.

Kandace said...

Last weekend I told my husband to watch the kids while I go to the store, he said only if you stop by the hardware store and get me a thingamagigy. Sure I said.

Guess what?

I forgot to stop. Totally never even crossed my mind...until I got home and he asked about the hardware store.

I think motherhood sucks brain cells right out of regular good people. It's sad.

insane mama said...

I have no idea how or why I stumbled on this page, but I really spit shit all over the place... This is too funny, I have to go take a picture of my bath plu.. for real. I have to go read your archives now

Sarah said...

I think that Jose has a stash of all of my missing shit and sends it to Brazil...I like to think there is a happy village of mismatched socked Brazilians...

I totally remember the pink cup...
Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Amy. You are speaking my language. I have a blogger ID, but I forgot the password, and I am too disinterested to fix that problem, so I simply post as "Anonymous." But, since your post was about household issues and ADD, I'll share a similar example. I moved into my current apartment in August 2006, and within 3 months the cold water in the bathroom sink would not turn off. It started as a drip, then progressed to a steady stream. Rather than call the super to have it fixed, I simply turned off the water source under the sink. That seemed like a reasonable and quick solution to me. Then it happened to the hot water, although not completely. If you turn off the faucet really tight, it's a very minor leak. My boyfriend wants to know what the hell is wrong with me. I've done without cold water for over 18 months, and the hot water has had a minor leak for a year. He asks how I can recycle everything, yet waste water without pause. Amy can verify this sad condition as she has been to my apartment. Yet, she's said nothing. Perhaps she, like me, understands the need to focus on things more interesting than fixing the bathroom plumbing. My air conditioner has pumped out only semi-cold air since last summer, certainly not enough to cool the apartment without also running the fan. More wasted resources. Last week, my boyfriend got fed up. (Did I mention I have a boyfriend, that we've been dating nearly a year... sorry, I digress... like Amy, I'm a little ADD and get distracted when I am bored with something... and I'm already bored with talking about my apartment problems.) He's tired of burning his hands in the bathroom and sweating throughout the night in my muggy apartment. He asked for my super's number and is going to call himself to get the problems fixed. I guess he's like Marc in that way... he sees a problem and fixes it. Well, not every problem. He, too, has a touch of the ADD, so he takes action usually only when it interests and benefits him. At least he's cute, and built, and 31 (I'm 45, yea me.) Damn, there I go again veering off course. Amy, I'm concerned. I think the effects of ADD only get worse as people age. Do you think we'll have to go to the loony bin when we are older? Wait, we don't really age, so I guess that's not a problem. Just in case, do you think we should start exploring our options? Mark

Amy said...

I think our loony bin should be located somewhere in an exotic island. We can get drunk every night and forget we're crazy. Is it a plan?