Buh Bye

Seriously this was basically what Saige was saying to us as we were dropping her off at camp. One of my friends this morning e mailed me and said she hoped there weren't any tears on going to camp morning. Tears? It was like Christmas morning around here. Saige kept saying that she wished she had slept later so she didn't have to wait so long to leave. So we got everything together, picked up her friend, waited for my friend Lisa (home from Italy, yeah) and her kids to get here so we could follow each other down and left. They were so revved up on the way down they could barely contain themselves. Saige's friend Sarah is really funny, she of the only breaking one school rule a day fame. She mentioned on the way down that her brother found a cat and it was a good thing she wasn't the one who saw it because she is way to self absorbed to pay attention to a lost cat. She's ten. Look out camp.
So we drop the girls off in their cabin first. I make their beds and try and help them get unpacked, Marc says how nice it is they have their own personal bathroom and Saige shushes him, "You're embarrassing me," and basically shoves us out. Nice.
Now Chase, different story. We had a slight crisis. He thought he wasn't going to be in Ethan's (best buddy) cabin. He was in the one attached to it, but he was so sad. He said, "We'll be competing against each other, but it's fine, just go." Oh my God, my baby. He has been waiting since last year to go back to camp, waiting two weeks for Ethan to get home, now he is so sad and Marc and I are getting ready to leave the country. Not gonna work. We talk to the counselors who are so great. Marc and one of them go talk to someone about it, they get Chase in the cabin he wants to be in, crisis averted, all good. He double, triple hugs us, tells us how much he loves us, have fun while we are away and happily goes to take the swim test. Marc and I stop on the way home and have a drink. Two weeks. Buh bye.

Mable Able

So I was at my friends house yesterday. She has been very distressed over a man. He's actually quite fun but it's going no where. No where fast. He lives two states away and is divorced twice and has five kids and he's 44. She is gorgeous, a single mom of one daughter and 26. Really, she could get anyone she wanted and guys are constantly tripping over themselves to take her out but this one guy didn't, he didn't call when he said he would, sometimes she wouldn't hear from him for days. I think, because of that, as crazy as it may seem it made her want to be with him even more. I must have repeated the phrase, "Five kids." to her 350 times. "What, are you gonna get a minivan and carry his baby around on your hip on "his" weekend?" Really, you can't move, he can't move. What is the point? "I know, I know," she said over and over again. So, the final straw, he took her to Atlantic City, which is 1 1/2 hr. away from her house a couple nights ago. And left her with no ride home and had her stuff in his car. Loser. Right? None of this is really what I'm getting at, it is just showing you her state of mind while we were there. At the same time another friend was there, watching tv while my friend and I were talking about this craziness. All she wanted to do was tell the story, have validation that he is basically worthless to her and a jerk to boot. So we're sitting there and the tv watcher is watching some talk show where they are showing new products. Totally interrupting, clueless to our conversation she is like, "Look at this! Look at this! It's a butt lifter." Then next came something that was going to help with arm fat. I don't know what it was but the friend was like, "You know, I had an aunt with the worst arm fat ever, her name was Mabel Able." Mable Able. I totally couldn't love that anymore. We started laughing and literally I can't stop thinking about it. Everyone has all this stuff going on in their own heads all the time, stuff that we drive ourselves crazy with. And then, like an angel, someone mentions Mable Able and it doesn't seem so bad anymore. Just knowing Mable Able and her arm fat is out there in the universe somewhere makes me feel a little better.

Not To Be Outdone

Saige was so irritated happy that Chase got that back flip. I had in the past tried to teach her a number of times but she was scared. She has been back diving for years and really that was fine. Fine until Chase mastered the back flip. I think one of her favorite parts about it was how Chase kept saying, "I really got that quickly, didn't I Mom?" She is such a type A person. Total over achiever. Marc and I can't quite wrap our heads around what particular gene pool that came from. If there is something to be chosen for in school, she gets picked, art shows, health committee, student quilt curator for God's sake. You name it, she writes a paper and she's in. Chase, not at all. And he doesn't care how much Saige does, really, he just skates his way through, hoping for the best. On my birthday we all went out to dinner and when our drinks came Chase wanted to make the toast. His exact words were, "Here's to Mommy, Happy Birthday, and to Saige for getting straight A's and to Daddy for having a good day at the dealership and to me, for making it through to the fourth grade!"
So back to the back flip, as soon as she saw him doing it, the wheels started spinning. She was hell bent on flippin' too. The first couple times she did it but wasn't quite rotating all the way around. She practiced and practiced until she has worked it out. It looks awesome now. So her and I are out at the pool today without Chase. She says, "What about the front flip? Teach me that." It's called one upmanship at it's finest. Fifteen months between them, what else would I expect?

13 (Well 14) Things

My friend Sarah did a list of thirteen things she loves about summer. She wants other people to do it too. I got very little sleep last night so I'm a little grumpy. I thought I would split the list and do 7 things I don't like and seven things I like, cause I am a glass is half full girl, but a realist too.
1.Wet pool towels everywhere.
2.Triple the amount of laundry (with pool towels)
3.Weeds in the yard
4.Making dinner for three times as many kids
5.Friends leaving and going on vacation (Lisa)
6.Air conditioning on all the time
7.Kids sleeping in late


1.The pool is open
2.Wearing bathing suits all day long
3.New season of Weeds on HBO
4.Grilling all the time
5.Going on vacation
6. It's hot outside
7. Not having to wake anyone up

Every bad thing can have a silver lining right?

Slideshow

I think this is so much fun. It's really easy to do.

Camp

It's really time to kick it into high gear. The kids leave for camp in 3 days. Luckily, a lot of their stuff is ready to go from last year. I just never took it out of their trunks. It's the clothes that need to be dealt with. Saige wants to pack herself, which is normal. I'm sure given the chance, she could pack herself and get herself there without any help from us, she is so responsible. Chase is another story. I pack all his outfits individually in these 2 1/2 gallon zip loc bags, complete with shorts, t-shirt, socks and underwear. Fourteen different bags of outfits. It worries me if I didn't he would just continuously wear the same thing everyday. Last night I was getting some of them together and Marc goes, "You know he's still going to wear the same thing." I am thinking that could possibly be true. Marc also asked if at any point they made them take showers. Chase seems to think the pool is perfectly acceptable to keep him clean. I just want him to brush his teeth, that would make me happy.
I learned a lot from what I packed them last year. Like for instance, even if I give Chase self addressed stamped envelopes there is a very small chance he will write anything. Last year we got one letter from him that said, "I'm having fun. Love, Chase S." Just in case we might have been confused as to which Chase was writing us from camp. We can also e mail them and they can write out an e mail on paper and it is scanned in and sent to you. Yeah, this never happened either. They are extremely excited to go, so really that is all that matters.

*Saige is blogging again, you can link to her from my "blogs I read-My Life." She loves comments and it encourages her to keep up. Thanks

Creature of Habit

I get up every morning really early. Not as early as the time that is posted on these blog posts. That's never right. I don't understand how to change it either. Oh well, it's kind of funny cause people are always asking me why I'm on the computer at 2 or 3 in the morning. I'm not. Anyway, I do get up usually between 5 and 6, sometimes a little earlier or a little later, but generally in that time frame. I love getting up this early because no one else is up, besides my pesky dogs, but at that hour even they are not annoying. It's quiet. I do the same thing every morning. Come downstairs, let dogs out, take vitamins, turn on computer, start coffee, feed dogs. It's how I do it. I love this time of day. I need it to get me going for the rest. So yesterday the coffee maker breaks. Oh my God. This does not work for me (Kirsten, if you are reading this, that is a direct quote from Dana Flynn). Anyway, yesterday I ran to my gym, got Marc and I coffee and all was well. Then I forgot it was broken. Until about 5 this morning. I opened my eyes, realized coffee was not in my immediate future without some hassle and I just couldn't get up. Really, I didn't pop out of bed, didn't let those dogs out, didn't do anything but closed my eyes and went back to sleep. I didn't pull myself out of bed until 7.45. That is unheard of for me. Marc was even up before me. No coffee for him either. He was banking on fixing it before he left. I decided to lie there until I either smelled coffee or heard the garage door open so I would know my fate. As soon as I heard his car zoom down the road and there was no lovely smell of coffee I knew it was up to me. I threw on clothes, put the dogs out and ran over to my gym. While in line waiting for my Starbucks cup I was talking to this guy I know. He asked me if I already worked out. I told him my sad story. He started laughing and said, "War on drugs? I think Juan Valdez won that a long time ago." Holla.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank you

This is going to be a two post morning, I'm getting a late start though. First, I wanted to say thank you to you all who sent me such lovely birthday wishes, the ones that wrote on here, my friends that called, friends who stopped by, all of you. It means so much to me. Really, my favorite part of my birthday was hearing from you all.
I have been hearing a lot about some article (I haven't read cause I don't know where is is) about people who blog being narcissistic. (Mark B. no nead to chuckle) Also, my friend of the haunted house fame used another term about blogging that my mom won't like, so I won't put it on here, but, I think this is another way for people to connect. Right? It's just one more way to be in touch with other people. I feel overwhelmingly lucky to have everything I have but the most important things aren't things or trips but my family and friends. People. So to my old friends and new blogging friends and you anonymous thank you, thank you, thank you. You all made my already great day that much better.
Mark B. Honestly that was the nicest thing you wrote. Besides Chase who woke up at the crack of dawn, which he never does, but because he wanted to be the first to say happy birthday, you were my first birthday wish. I love you. BTW, I heard from Scott and Chris too. A three brother day. LYTB (cause I'm a b...)
Simple Answer-Thank you for your Happy B day and ditto. I look forward to all those good things that come with age.
Amy- I love that you were a more beautiful baby than Jesus, honestly that made me laugh so hard and also your motivating line. It's nice getting to know you through here.
Mommy- I'm glad I didn't put you so far over the edge with my crazy posts that you kept reading and could comment about this being a special year cause of day thing. I'm banking on that. Love you.
Twist- Thank you baby. I'm looking at a double for my 40th.
Marc S.-What can I say? You're the best. Thank you so much. I love you.
Laurie- Come on, 34? Buck up litle camper, that's nothing. Older's the new younger. Get on board.
Anonymous- You couldn't even put your name on this one? I love that your gift of Kid Rock, Devil Without a Cause quote for my birthday, especially one that has the phrase "high class hoes"(sorry Mom). And saying you had me pegged for 29. Well, I just keep liking you more and more.
BA-We have gone through so many birthdays together. I'm so thankful for that. Let me tell you, I would still be proud to be riding shot gun in that Chevy as we unwittingly caused accidents all up and down 30. Who needs a Porsche when you got wooden sides? Love you.
Deb- Thank you for the happy birthday. Have you tried a back flip? You don't know until you try.....
Heather-Thanks girl. We'll have you flippin' by the end of summer. It will be my personal goal.
Love, Me

Not Quite Yet

40. Nope, not yet. I still have a whole more year of being 39, and it starts today. So for that reason I am going to put up this little movie for one day. It's the back flip movie. Age is just a state of mind. Is that right? Or is it the amount of days you've been alive? I have never really never minded getting older, I mean considering the alternative, what are you gonna do? Right? In fact sometimes getting older is a really good thing. Like, for instance, I think you stop caring so much what other people think. My friend Christina told me when she hit forty, she stopped caring altogether what people thought. So, I'll care a tiny bit for the next 365 days, then wham, that's over too, just like my thirty's. Oh, that sounded a little sad. Jami, my dear friend from college commented on the last post that I certainly wasn't any older, maybe a little and just had a little more sense, ummmmm, nope, not really, but I can pretend. So that's what I'll do, I'll think to myself with each lovely year comes a tiny bit more sense, a little bit more confidence , more time with my family, more times with my friends, more places to see,more songs on my IPod, more books to read, more roads to run, more tricks to do, more time. That's not bad at all.

Bullying 101

Chase and I are out by the pool. Here's how it goes:
"Mom, can you help me with my back dive?"
"Of course, start on the step."
So he goes to the big seat step thing in the deep end and he perfects it.
"Okay, now do it off the dive," I say.
He looks a little ambivalent.
"I'm scared," he says.
"Are you kidding me? You race go-karts at 50 miles an hour. You do jumps on your motorcycle and you are afraid to jump backwards off the dive? Come on. It's not brain surgery." Admittedly, this is a bit harsh, but he can do this.
So he gets up there and thinks about it for a bit and then does it. Yeah. Good job. Now I can lie quietly and get a tan. No, no I can't.
"Good job baby."
"My brain told me no, but my heart said yes."
How cute is he?
"I'm glad you listened to your heart."
"Okay, now can you teach me to do a back flip?"
I haven't back flipped in a looong time. But okay. I try to lead him through it. He's not understanding. He asks me to show him. Ah. I don't know. So, I think, I guess I can do it. I get up on the board. Now it's my turn to feel a little nervous. He can drive a go-kart, but can he drive me to the hospital? I don't think so.
"What, are you scared? You chicken Mom?" Balk Balk."
He did not just give me the balk balk. Then he takes his little hands and balls them into fists and rotates them near his eyes as he goes, "You gonna cry?"
So I did the flip. It was good too. I got out. He looked impressed. So I did it again.
"Now it's your turn Chay," I say.
Not quite so lippy now.
"Come on, I'm old and I can do it. What? You're not even gonna try?" You scared?" It's okay baby, you don't have to do it. I'll be the only one who can, your old mom."
So he shoots me a look, then he flips too. Goes all the way around.
He gets out and says, "You just made me mad. I had to do it."
"Well then my work here is done."
"Mom, can you put a picture of me doing that on your blog?"
And that's how we got here.

I See Dumb People

John and Kirsten are my friends.
They have two adorable children.
They bought a big beautiful house
It's right in the middle of a lovely town.
They can walk to everything, the park, restaurants, you name it.
There are fairs and concerts and festivals all the time.
There have been movies made there.
There are parades and friends and family close by.
There's one teensy tiny little problem...... It's haunted. Yup, that's what I said. Haunted. With "bad energy", in need of the ghost whisperer.
They bought the house almost exactly a year ago. They don't live there yet. They want to, they just can't.
It started with a bad painter who stripped lead paint and left it all over the place, the house was contaminated. They have paid everybody and their brother to try and clean out said contamination. Failures. One lame ass after the next. They have dealt with workers putting huge holes in the ceiling, ripping up their back yard, and a laundry list of other sue-able instances. At first it seemed to be bad luck or stupid contractors. After 11 1/2 months Kirsten started wondering if there wasn't something more to it. She asked John, "Do you think there might be a ghost? Do we need some sort of exorcism done here?" John's somewhat sarcastic reply, "Yeah, I see dumb people." So Kirsten shelved the whole "ghosty" idea until one day she was shopping and just happened to run into a shamanic healer. Okay, really, who just runs into a shamanic healer? I'm sorry, it's just not every day that happens.
So Kirsten hires her to come see what is going on in her home. The woman feels all sorts of bad presences all over the place. There is a female energy that is trapped there. A bad guy who burned important papers in the fire place, for real there was some Chinese doctor who had like thirty people living in the basement and she felt some sort of incestuous energy there. "Presence's" that can't move on. Uh oh, we're going to need more than one visit from the healer. Kirsten says to her, "I totally believe everything you are saying, the thing is, I am going to have to justify why I am spending hundreds of dollars for you to clear my house to my husband. Can you tell me what your credentials are?" The shamanic healer, whose name is Nancy, leaned in real close to Kirsten and said, "Yes, I'm a magical unicorn." Ok, now Nancy has won me over too.
So Nancy does her bit, she gives Kirsten "homework." Kirsten has to go back alone and do all sorts of little ceremonies and ask the energy type ghost things to please, with great love in her heart, LEAVE. Get out. Scat. Just go already. So she does, cause that's how she roll's.
She goes home and tells John. She says that Nancy is going to have to come back two more times. John says, "What sort of training does she have for this?" Kirsten replies, "Well, she's a magical unicorn." John nodded. "Okay, at least she's qualified."
We'll see how it goes.......Fo shizzle (that's just for you Kirsten)
Note to Kirsten: This is from the best of my memory, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. You know my memory's not what it used to be, what with all the vodka.

John, I think the ghosts want you..... just a guess.....

Last Day of School. Are Rules Made to Be Broken?

(Yesterday)
Saige comes downstairs with flip flops on (against school dress code, do I care? Take a guess) but still obligated as "responsible" parent to ask.
"Oh, are you allowed to wear flip flops to school today?"
"No, but Sarah (partner in crime) is."
"Hmmm...K," my brilliant reply. "What made her decide to do that?"
"Well," says Saige, "On Monday she wore a tank top (illegal) and sneakers. Tuesday she work flip flops (illegal) and a t-shirt. Wednesday she wore spaghetti strap shirt (illegal) and sneakers and today we are wearing flip flops."
"I see, so basically it's been breakin' the rules week?" I say.
"Yes," she says, "Although, Sarah doesn't think we should break two rules in one day, she thinks that would be wrong." Interesting. Interesting in the somewhat scary way that I can almost understand that logic.
What would a normal parents response to this be? I'm still thinking on that. What was mine? I patted her cute little head, and sent her on her merry way with her freshly painted pink toe nails and hot pink flippys. I'm still trying to figure out who I identify with more, Sarah, the limit pusher, or Saige, who waited it out to see if any trouble would be had and then jumped on the bandwagon.

So I've Got That Going For Me, Which Is Nice

So I'm kind a nerd too. There's lots of reason's but I'll only tell one. I have this thing about quotes, love 'em. Movie quotes, Music lyric quotes, famous quotes, even things my friends say. I just can't get enough. Hence the title, you know where that's from right? Because sometimes I am a tad judgemental if I want to be friends if you understand what I'm talking about.
You know, Bill Murray from Caddyshack, "Hey Lama, how about something for the, you know, for the effort?" And the Dalai Lama says, "Oh,uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." Just the "So I've got that goin' for me." can be used over and over. Another favorite, which Marc and I say a lot is, "All I need is...(insert whatever you want here) and this ashtray, that's all I need." Steve Martin, The Jerk, right? Kind of old school, but then again, we're kind of old. Okay, one more, that literally I can't talk to my friend Rachel on the phone without one of us saying is, "What are you doing? I never know what you're doing back there." Will Ferrell, Wedding Crashers. "Mom, the meatloaf! F@#*!" Okay, you get the idea.
Where am I going with this? To be honest, nowhere really. It's just last night I was reading Always Home and Uncool's
blog and he quoted Warron Zevon, which made me so happy. So I had to quote back my all time favorite lyric of a song, I don't know why it's my favorite but it is, always has been, when Don McLean says, "Do you believe in rock and roll, can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slow." I used to believe when this song came on the radio I would have good luck for the rest of the day, just like my brother (Chris, not Mark) thought hearing the Doors was bad luck, don't know or remember why either of us believed either of those things.
So I love quotes, another all time favorite is something my friend Lisa says anytime someone gets annoyed with us, that we're not paying attention, or generally have just done something to bug them. She says, "You're so pretty." For real, she means it too. In the airport, at a cash register, really to whomever needs it. It cracks me up and people love to hear they're pretty so really it's a win/win. And my friend Christina is literally a quote a minute. My all time favorite of her's is what she says to aggressive drivers who get irritated at her, "You're so crazy." while twirling her finger near her head. So there you have it. This is for you anonymous, who knows nothing about kids and yoga, you've got to have something to say to this, song lyrics are your speciality. And whoever else, please share....

Oh Kirsten, What Would Googi do?

It's late right? You're finally sitting down after a long day dealing with the money pit. You miss me. You're expecting a lot out of me. I'm fearful my last post won't be up to snuff. It's not funny. You thought I was going to reveal lots of my quirky, annoying, pesky habits, right? Not so much. Cause I'm totally normal, girl. You of all people should know that. I'm not picky about food. I don't space out when the slightest bit bored. I don't refuse to practice if I don't like the music. There is nothing bizarre or irritating about me at all. I will drive OR be cheese bitch. I will teach or be taught. I will drink coffee or tea, okay that's a lie, I'm straight up coffee it's just I like things in three's. I had no choice.
So after we spoke I thought to myself, "What would Manorama think of Kirstens predicament?" Would she have any words of wisdom for her? Would a shamanic healer be her answer? It would be Googi's, that I am sure of. If not that, perhaps when Lisa gets back from Italy we could all come over and have a seance, we could go buy a Ouija (that kind of sounds like Googi, I think I might be on to something) board and ask it to make the stupid workman and lame ass painters and unfit contractors to never darken your doorstep again. While we're at it we could ask if it could possibly see it's way clear to make us do flawless jump backs, have our feet touch our head in scorpion and may all our splits be perfect. Can Ouija or Googi grant those, or do we need a genie for that? If so, maybe that's what we should get..... Just throwing it out there.
Om Na Toys'r'us ~Fairy Godmother

I Do Do That

In addition to hating surprises, I do read the end of a book. It's true. I will get 3/4 of the way done and not be able to wait anymore. It totally doesn't ruin it for me though, I feel better when I know what's going to happen. Especially in The Time Travelers Wife. Did you read that? (Mark my brother? I'm talking especially to you!) If not, go get it, before the movie comes out. It's a good one. I couldn't wait.
In addition to that somewhat annoying habit I have an even more irritating one, this Marc(husband) can attest to. See, I don't watch any tv until he comes home at night and we are in bed. I DVR (tivo) anything we watch. I have this really bad habit of not wanting to watch the whole show. I get the gist and then try to fast forward to the end. It drives him crazy. It's a good thing I am usually asleep 5 minutes after my head hits the pillow because poor Marc can't process the way my brain needs to watch. He waits patiently for me to fall asleep and then watches in peace.
The interesting, well to me, thing is movies. I do watch the full movie. In fact some of my favorite movies of all time are the ones with the good twist at the end, like The Usual Suspects and The Inside Man, Primal Fear, The Illusionist. I love those movies and I will watch them over and over again. In fact if you come to my house and haven't seen one of those movies and we want to watch something I will be delighted to watch it with you and enjoy it like it's the first time I've seen it. Marc does not do this at all. He also does like surprises, would never read the end of a book, wants to watch the whole tv show and hates watching movies twice. Opposites attract, huh?

Surprise Surprise....

K. I don't like surprises. That's the truth. Well, I don't like surprises in the form of presents. I want to know what they are ahead of time. I need to make sure I will have the right reaction. Faking reaction is not one of my special gifts. The one kind of surprise I do love is that in the form of people. A couple years ago Marc threw me a "surprise" birthday party. I totally didn't know, really, kinda, sorta, let's move on. The biggest surprise of it though was when I walked in and two of my very best friends in the whole world who live states away were there. Now that was a surprise. Especially since I had been talking to Ashley, who lives in South Carolina, all morning about whether Marc was having a party for me. She was insistent that she knew nothing and then she went awol on me. Next thing I know she's standing in my kitchen. Good surprise. That being said, I usually know every gift I am getting. When I was little I would unwrap and re wrap. As an adult I have not gotten any better. I will call credit card companies and find out the last thing charged, I will snoop, I will ask friends, nothing is to much for me. But really, this last thing almost goes beyond even me, obviously almost is the operative word. If you read this you know I have two kids, Saige, my daughter is very mature, responsible, type A, can keep a secret, just like my husband Marc. Chase, my son, is not quite as responsible, not type A, has a hard time with the present secrets, just like me. So on April 20th, and I remember the date, cause it's a special day, just Chase and I were hanging at home. Chase comes in and sees me on the computer and says, "I know what Dad's getting you for your birthday."
"Tell me."
"I can't," he says, but I can tell he wants to. So I push a little.
"Yes you can baby, I won't tell, I promise."
He shakes his head, "I promised I wouldn't tell. I can't say it out loud."
"Let's play hangman then," I say, "that way, you won't be saying it out loud." I told you, nothing goes beyond me to find out.
"Ok," he agrees to this.
Now as a side note, I don't have the best feeling about this because Chase can't spell for shit. Honestly, I know this will go nowhere because of his complete and total lack of interest in anything academic, but I figure it's worth a try and maybe I can wear him down a little.
As I figured hangman is just a mess. It makes no sense. I couldn't get frustrated though because I don't want him to get mad at me. So I try a different tactic.
"Hey, how's it coming with those crazy bones you like so much?"
"Mom, can we go to Five Below? Please. I'll pay for them with my own money." he's excited now. I've got him right where I want him.
"You don't have to pay for them with your own money baby," I say, "but you know what I want to know."
He's so conflicted. He wants to go get more of those crazy bones and he wants to tell me, but he feels bad. I let him off the hook. I say, "Don't worry about it, you don't have to tell me. We'll go anyway." He is relieved, but still egging me on, "Well, maybe I'll tell you next week." Come on Chase, I'm trying to be nice here. Let it go.
So we are in the car on the way back from Five Below, he is knee deep in crazy bones and doesn't he just blurt it out? I swear, I think he just couldn't hold on to it anymore. He had to tell me. I promised I wouldn't say a word. Since then (cause my birthday is at the end of this month, mark your calenders) he has given me updates. I'm not even kidding, unsolicited updates.
So last night, Marc walks in with both kids and says, "So, Chase told you what I'm getting you, huh?" OH MY GOD! He couldn't even keep the secret he spilled. We're not banking on any jobs in the secret service for him.
And that Marc, is how it went down. Jen, if you are reading this, please complete the last line.

Ciao Bella

My friend Lisa loves to give the "peace" sign in pictures. It is her signature. So as a little goodbye because she's leaving for Italy tomorrow. Here we go. Peace out baby. I'm going to miss you. On my "view history" on my blackberry there are 193 calls logged to her. That is not counting countless txts of nonsense. That's going to leave me some time to do stuff huh. Maybe something productive? Hmmmm.... Interesting thought. Have the best time.

Happy Fathers Day

Okay Marc, Happy Fathers Day! I have to say, completely from my heart, you are the best dad (in my humble opinion) hands down ever. You are generous without spoiling (yeah right, but we're all good natured, thank God.) You are always there for the kids, you're the "nice one." How did that happen? They can tell you anything (think back to Chase and Ethan in the car and their Michael Jackson conversation.) I bow down to your patience, it is amazing to me. I love that Saige calls you to tell on me if she thinks I'm not being fair. I pretend to be annoyed, but really I am so thankful that she has you. You are definitely leading by example. I love you. We couldn't ask for anything more.

Dear Daddy,
Happy fathers day! I love you so much and thank you for a great 10 years of my life!!!!
Love,
Saige

Daddy, Happy Fathers Day. Thank you for all the wonderful things you've done for me.
Chase

It's Just Weird, That's All

So I just went to pick up Saige and Chase and two of their friends (who conveniently live next door to each other) to come and swim. On the way back we passed this historical house and there were two people dressed up in historical costumes standing outside to greet people who want to come look through the house. It goes beyond me. Who would want to do that? I don't get it. I'm not even trying to be funny, maybe it's just a different gene pool. I know people love Williamsburg and all those old houses and people go to Lancaster and look through Amish people's houses with their no electricity. Why? It actually annoyed me as I drove by, I thought, "Get out of those costumes and go swimming or something." But that's wrong, that's their thing. It's cool. Different strokes right? Maybe I'm the only one that can't stand that sort of thing, and I'm the "weird" one. Which brings me to my point. As we were driving home the four kids were all talking about "weird people" which is really frowned upon, my kids know this. All I have to do is glance in the rear view mirror and shoot them a look and they stop. I mean come on, their mom has a pierced nose, do we really want to be casting stones? Then I felt bad I got so irritated by the pilgrim people. Learned my lesson.

Flava Flave

So, another celebrity sighting. Not mine, Marc's, so I feel I can tell it. And considering my very rough day has been spent in yoga and by my pool (please feel sorry for me) there is not a whole lot more I have to say. The pool conversation I had with my friend Lisa would be fit for some other type of blog, not here, so you get the Flave.
Marc was in Vegas from Wednesday to Thursday. A short trip to drive some car. I am so sorry, Marc, you know I can barely remember what car I drive so I have no idea what it is you were testing, but I do remember it's cool. Is that good? Anyway, yesterday he was at the airport, on stand by, trying to get on an earlier flight out of there and who should come up to the desk but Flava Flave. Do you know who that is? The guy with the clocks that was on The Surreal Life with Brigitte Neilson or something like that. Him. Fun, right? marc crackberried me this info while he was waiting. The Flave was with his woman and his baby. Who knew? Who cared? Anyway, I asked Marc, "Did he have on his clock?" "Three." Not uh. "Three clocks to travel." He had them and a stroller and a baby and a mad wife/girlfriend, not sure which with him. Marc said he was surprisingly very quiet, and his woman was yelling at him about something and he and Marc exchanged knowing looks of those men that have been there before. Marc was really just pretending to understand because I'm so nice. But they had a moment just the same, Marc and the Flave.

24 Things

So thank you Kim and Sarah for asking me to do this, I feel so special. It's funny though because even though I have no problem telling everyone what a whack nut I am on a daily basis, or that I sometimes have to take valium when I fly, or that my kids know Kid Rock lyrics, these things seem so personal. Hmmm... Rethink that. Okay, so here are my 24 things.

Four Places I go over and over:
1.My gym
2.My friend Lisa's house
3.Teca, Teikoku and Nectar (I know that's 3 restaurants, but I couldn't pick just one)
4.New York

Four people who E mail me:
1.Marc, husband
2.Mark, brother
3.BA,one of my oldest best friends
4.Lisa, one of my newest best friends

Four of my favorite foods:
1.Sushi
2.Seared tuna
3.Avocado
4.Granola

Four of my favorite movies
1.The Usual Suspects
2.Wedding Crashers
3.The Inside Man
4.Juno

Four places I'd rather be right now
1.South Beach
2.In Santa Monica at my favorite yoga teachers class
3.Getting a massage
4.On a plane going somewhere good

Four People I want to know more about....
amy, cayce and lori from Seriouslybecause
and Mrs. R.
and really anyone else who's willing to share. How about you Mark? You seem to like to talk about yourself. Come on.

T Minus 7 and Ticking

So we have about a week of school left and it's really not even a week because most of the days are half days. I'm sure like most people I can't wait for it to be over. No more begging Chase to do his homework. This alone is reason enough for school to end. Plus, summer,yeah. Last summer we took this big huge cross country trip, which was beyond fun but it took up a lot of our summer lazing around time. This summer will be more normal. Camp, vacations, pool time. Just what a summer should be, for us.
A week after school ends we pack up Saige and Chase with their camp trunks and off they go to camp on the Chesapeake. Sailing, waterskiing, water balloons, swimming, sports, art, friends, scavenger hunts, dances, two whole weeks where their lives are run by teenagers. They can't wait. I know how much fun it is because I myself went to that camp every year for a month. Yeah for them.
Last year was their first year. I thought, at least Chase will be sad. Not so much. Every night we e mailed them. I waited and waited for a response. I didn't get any details but I did get a scrawled. I love you, with his first and last name, just in case I forgot. I saved it. Saige wrote a couple letters with a few details, kind of like throwing us a bone. I was glad though, it just mean't they were having fun. So, let's finish out this school year and get a move on.

Duncan, David and A Death Ride

So a question, I love questions. How was Duncan? This can go either way. It's always up in the air. Let's just say, it wasn't my favorite class of the trip. In fact I bagged out on day two. Three and a half hours seemed like to much of my time if I was going to lose interest again. The first day I did check out about an hour before it was over. It was moving to slow, in my mind I was already wondering what class we were going to take later in the day so I could be sweating like I should be in a yoga class in New York City when its about 105 degrees out. Sweat should be pouring, I didn't even need to change when I left the studio. That irritated me. You know that, right Kirsten?
As a side note, we never did do anything about Sima's eyebrows. They were really just fine. Instead, Sima wanted to take a nap. I went and got my bike from the very surly bellhop. I swear, I think he was annoyed with me. What do I care though, right? So I took my bike and rode to Central Park. I had the most wonderful ride. It was awesome, except I got distracted and forgot to get out at 57th St. I noticed at like 75th or something, so I left the park and had to ride on the streets back to the hotel. A little scary. Also I could hear my phone ringing and dinging the whole time. It was driving me crazy. So I made my way through traffic without any major injurys. I did bang into a cab once, but it was his totally his fault.
When I got back I woke Sima up because we were going to this other class and it was all the way downtown by City Hall. She was in a dead sleep. She rallied though. I actually fell asleep on the subway and drooled all over my mat. When we got to our stop she woke me up with a look of fear in her eyes and pushed me out the door, she kept saying, "We have to get out of here." I had no idea what the problem was. Apparently during my nap there was a not so nice display going on with some crazy guy. I fortunately missed that little peep show.
Anyway, the second class we went to was awesome, it was at this studio called Kula Yoga. The teachers name was David and I highly recommend him. It was really hot and really hard and it was exactly what I wanted out a class. So yeah, it was all good.

It's All About Me

Last night Sima and I went out with my brother Mark. As usual Sima totally fell in love with my brother. He's gay, it's always a disappointment to my friends. He is also much much (sorry Mark) older than I am but he looks very young. He is in perfect shape, good looking and so nice and engaging that everyone is always sad when they find out he's just not available to them. The only problem with letting other people meet him is then they want his attention, this gets on my nerves. When I get to see him I want all the attention. I want him to sit and listen to everything I have to say and act interested and give opinions and focus on only me. Do I sound like a small child? It's true. The problem is he has stories too, and he likes me to listen to them. Sometimes we interrupt each other or try to hurry the other one along so we can get back to ourselves. So you throw a whole other person in there with their own thoughts and ideas and stories and there is just not enough time in the night. Mark was genuinely interested in what Sima had to say, as I had been the first time I heard it. Me, being slightly (ever so slightly that is) ADD kind of lost interest the second time around. It's a good thing for my crackberry because that can keep me entertained for a while.
After dinner we came back to the hotel to get ready to go out, again. I was helping beautiful Sima put on make-up and Mark commented her eyebrows were uneven, fortunately, I hadn't touched them. So now, class is over and we are going to look for a good waxer. I was going to ride my bike in the park, after I lugged it all the way up here, but come on, uneven eyebrows are taking precedent over my ride for now.
It's a good thing Mark was here to point that out, I didn't even notice and who knows how long it would have gone on for.

Stupid Me

So, another little yoga trip today. Going to New York for three days. My teacher Duncan is going to be there. I am looking forward to it, except this pesky leg injury. I'm not supposed to be doing any stretching at all because I have tendonitis all over my leg, all the tendons are itis'ed I guess. Tricky, right? I had ignored everyone since March who was telling me to rest it. Rest? No. That is until I got to the point where I almost couldn't walk. That wasn't much fun. I have been resting it now for four days and it is starting to heal. Who knew? Well, many people apparently. Just not me. The last time I "rested" it for like a day and a half, and had convinced myself it was feeling better I got the brilliant idea to run a 10k. Why? I don't know why. I don't understand many of the things I do. The race did nothing good for my leg. I haven't run since. Soon, I hope. This time I'm almost positive it's getting better. For real.

Put on Your Dark Clothes and A Somber Face, Ethan

Let me start by saying, as a warning, this whole thing is so totally inappropriate, I know this. The only thing is we all have been laughing all weekend over it. Lots of times, it's just better to laugh, right?
So we were going down to the shore this weekend to hang with Marc's cousin, Bryna and her husband Eric...

We found out that Saige got invited to go to a weekend birthday party at the shore too, so we asked if Chase could bring a Ethan

Ethan was of course psyched to go. We just forgot to mention one tiny little detail. In addition to the fun filled weekend at the beach, on the boat, having fun, playing in the sand we were also going to the cemetary (Shh... it's a surprise). Ethan's mom, Lisa had me doubled over in laughter Friday night about this. She said, "You know, the old bait and switch. Hey Ethan, let's go to the beach and (in a whisper) an unveiling." She said, "Don't forget to pack some black clothes Ethan, oh never mind why, just do it,"
This became our joke of the weekend, "the surprise." So anytime it looked like he was remotely having fun I would take pictures. First they went on the boat with Eric and Marc's Uncle Michael and Aunt Susan. Then to the beach, out to dinner, playing, roasting marshmellows. FUN FILLED (Shhh... don't tell, don't want to ruin the surprise.)




There are many more "having fun" pictures, but you get the idea. The funny thing is Ethan is an extremely easy going kid and really doesn't care what we're doing. Chase did tell him what was going on and he was fine with it. The whole thing lasted five minutes. It's a good thing he's Jewish because we made him read the prayer in Hebrew. He was a little nervous at first, but he did great. No, of course we didn't, that would have been crossing the line.

We topped off the weekend with a trip to The Cheesecake Factory. All good. He can't wait until the next time we invite him. Who know's what we'll have in store for him.Maybe find some inmates to visit in prison, or perhaps a cremation.

Marc, Don't Read This

This is truly a show about nothing. Well, not really nothing, a bath plug. Yes, a bath plug. You see, if you know Marc and I then you would know we (me really) are kind of scatterbrained. It's true. It's not nice I clumped him in there with me. He's only forgetful when he hasn't really listened. That's normal. I am forgetful....a lot. I lose things. I forget appointments, I'll miss a bill here and there (sorry honey). I simply can't help it. My brother, the magazine researcher (is that what you do Mark?) diagnosed me with ADD. At least it's an excuse. Usually my only recourse when called on my faulty actions is belligerence. I'm just not sure how else to react. I do find myself saying, "SORRY!" like a child. Thankfully Marc, my husband, is used to this, he has more patience than you can imagine and like I said previously, one of his special gifts is fixing things and making them right. Which works out perfectly dealing with me.
Here comes the bath plug part. So, we moved in this house a little over nine years ago. About nine years ago all the bath plugs in our house vanished. Right into thin air. Like socks in a dryer. One might think, "Hey, go to Home Depot, do yourself a solid, get some new bath plugs." Yeah, no. I can never seem to remember to do that. For a long long time we used this little pink cup out of Saige's baby bath toy stacking cups and it fit perfectly. So, see, no reason to make a special trip. We used that for years. Quite recently for some reason, that goes beyond me, the cleaning people took that little pink cup. I know it was them, the cup was here, they were here, the cup was gone. Even Mickey could do the math on that one. I don't know if they thought it was trash, I don't understand. I didn't know how to ask for it without sounding like a complete moron so I just ignored it was gone and took showers. Marc likes to take baths. He was upset. So I found this perfectly sized little face lotion container that blocked it. The only problem was getting it out, it was the exact height of the drain. So then I got these enormous rusty plier things and used them. Can you say white trash? Guess what? The cleaning people took that container too. Marc was furious. We think they're just screwin' with us. So being quite MacGuyverish he fashions a bath plug out of an old prescription container and tape. I'm not even kidding. It totally works. You're not going to believe this, last Friday rolls around, Jose and his wife who speaks no English, so I don't know her name are here and poof, that's gone too. Do you think they have missing bath plugs at home and just can't believe how clever we are? Or are they like, wtf are these things these idiots have all over the bathroom. Let's tidy up for them. Right in the trash can. So, I just went upstairs and saw a new one Marc made. It's making me a little nervous, cause today's Friday. I'm thinking of hitting Home Depot for Fathers Day. I hope he's not reading this.

Fig.1

Go Saige....

I'm a over worker outter. It's true. I admit it. I love working out. Many people hate it, not me. I can't wait to get to the gym or to run outside or go to a yoga class. It clears my head. It keeps me just on the sane side of crazy. I think it started when my kids were really small, I wasn't always like this. When my kids were babies, going to the gym was the one thing I did totally for myself. It was like two hours of freedom from all those pesky mothering duties. Then it just kind of stuck. At first I would have a babysitter come and I would go. As soon as Chase got old enough I started taking them with me. I quit my kind of meat heady simple gym to join one with a kids room. Monday through Saturday Saige, Chase and I would head out across West Chester to Mitch's Market St. Gym and they would play while I worked out and took a shower. I have heard so many mothers say, "Oh my kids don't want to go to the gym." I don't ever remember offering it up as a choice. It just was what we did. I was trying to lead by example. I wanted to show them something good before they got old enough to recognize a cosmo and know Kid Rock lyrics. All those experts claim it's the early years to make the good impression. I'm hoping that holds true.
So anyway, this went on through the years. Saige went off to kindergarten, it was just Chase and I. We joined a brand new gym that opened closer to our house and continued to make it our morning ritual until he too went to school.
Okay, here comes the point of my story. A few days ago Saige told me she wanted to start running. Yeah. I'm so happy. I have been waiting for this day. She then proceeded to set her alarm for 45 minutes before she usually gets up. Make her water bottle for the next morning. Make sure her I pod is charged. She got her clothes and sneakers ready and then made a little time schedule of how her morning would go. I left everything completely up to her. Even the waking up part. I wanted it to be her decision. Everyday, she's been down here dressed and ready to go by 6:50. Downstairs in the basement, on that treadmill, getting sweaty. I couldn't be more proud. She is so happy with herself too, she said yesterday, "It's weird, I thought I'd be tired after I was done because I got up so early but I actually feel more awake." It's like music to my ears.

The Customers Always ...Something

So Marc has been in the car biz for like eva. Aside from a few short other selling gigs and a couple days there where he fancied himself a professional gambler straight out of college this is what he does. It's not an easy business. Just keeping the lights on in the place month to month is a huge undertaking. People don't realize this. They just think, 'they all wanna rob ya blind.' As many of you know, Marc is like the nicest person alive. I'm not just saying that cause he's my husband, it's the truth. He would do anything for anybody. He fixes things, not just broken things, but things. If my friends get in trouble or something happens, they usually call him before me. Sometimes to break the news to me and sometimes to help them. While this is an amazing trait, it's hard, given his business. He deals with many lovely people, but twice as many, uh, how should I say.... not so lovely people. And the things people say and do is utterly unbelievable. I'm not kidding, he comes home with stories that just make me shake my head. People expect a whole lot for nothing. Loan me a car, drop me off a car, find me the exact car I want for five dollars a month. All these things he does without thinking. He doesn't mind any of it. It's just part of the deal. It's always me that says, "Did they say thank you?" Usually the answer is a shaking head no. Thank yous go a long way.
Okay, none of that is funny. The funny part is what goes on in the dealership. People are just friggin' crazy. They will have full out fights with each other. Kids running around like it's a playground. People making out in the waiting room, to the point where no one else feels comfortable sitting there. NOT THAT THERE"S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS but Marc has seen more strangers boobs as they breast feed in front of him than anyone in the world. It's to the point of funny, he could get a place in the world records book and NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT but it makes him soooo uncomfortable, which is his right. Right? So last night he comes home and he's like, "I got a really good one for you." I am intrigued, "What? Tell me." I demand. He starts telling me about this woman who is in there buying a car off my friend, a salesperson, Heather. The woman is in her early 40's, relatively attractive, has on the whole 'I hate it here' armour. So Heather gets her the car, does her whole job and Marc is helping her with something at the end. This woman tells him, "I hate car salespeople." Marc says, "I hate you." I''m just kidding. I said that. Marc really says, "Well, let's just try to make this as pleasant for you as possible." Then the woman says to him, and I'm not making this up, ask Marc, she says, "Hey, where's the bathroom? That bran muffin I ate on the turnpike has just kicked in." Oh yes she did.

Personal Titles

My very same pacifist friend, who dislikes Kid Rock is opening a store in Istanbul called Tulu. Besides the Kid Rock e mail yesterday I received another one asking for my input on possible job titles she should put on her business card for the store. Some possibilities were: ~Grossly Negligent ~Party Enhancer ~Boozer and the last one she had thought of was ~Wildly Inappropriate. While all these accurately describe her and give my a huge chuckle, I told her my personal favorite was ~Grossly Negligent. I think it's just so funny. If someone gave me a card with that on it I would be so much more apt to keep it, stick it on the fridge and smile every time I passed it then if I got the card that said ~Store Owner or whatever. So when I told her this she e mailed back and told me where it came from, I am going to share that here too. Cause it's funny.
Once again, copied and pasted from the e mail:
yes grossly negligent is one my faves too. a few years back i had a customer on a trip who is a big time human rights lawyer. she has become a good friend and has travelled with me in turkey twice and Uzbekistan as well. one night after staying up with a group(all 60yrs old and older) partying, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and playing air guitar until 4 am....we took a hike the next am - i told everyone(mostly senior citizens) that it was a leisurely hike- more like a walk. well.....it wasn't so much. and we nearly lost one guy in the first five minutes. 5 hrs later we did all make it but we were all a bit shaken and sweaty. i personally was sweating from the stress and the hangover. when the guy fell down the cliff- i looked over to Joan (the lawyer) and said " how well does that little release form i had you all sign protect me?" she said " well, if they can prove you to be grossly negligent it doesn't work at all....." i said what would an example be?" she said, " plying old people with alcohol until 4 am getting them up to take a walk that turns out to be a death-hike"
so after that- the group got together and made little cards that said elizabeth hewitt- grossly negligent.
glad you like it...i still think it is so funny and gives me the best giggle.
So think of some personal titles for yourself, make it interesting.

Thirsty?

So one of my very best and most influential friends has huge issue with me liking Kid Rock. I got a long e mail today with bullet points of why she hates him.
I am copying and pasting directly out of the e mail-
-he supports bush
-he is a rabid republican
-he is a loser
-he has greasy hair
-he supports bush
-he has no talent
- he sings country songs
-he wears American flag outfits
-he is a hick
-he is a rabid republican
-he is a grease ball
Can you say chugging down the hater ade?
While yes, supporting Bush and being a republican aren't on the top of my favorites list, what do these things have to do with his abs, I mean music?
I did laugh all day about the, he's a loser, and he's a grease ball. I have to say I also appreciated the time and thought invested in this e mail. She is a very busy woman. I guess she owed it to me cause one year for her birthday I listed one thing from every year of her life about her. That took some serious thought, but nothing can compare to -he is a hick. She also said listening to Kid Rock is the musical equivalent of wearing a hairpiece. How great is that? I love that she referenced a previous post.
My response was that of course, she has always given me good advice in the past, she is the one that turned me onto fair isle sweaters and turtlenecks with whales on them. It was from her that I learned the fine art of "sneaking out". It was from her that I learned how to light up a cigarette stolen from her dad's pack. So I'm quite sure she is trying to lead me in the right direction. I am just so stubborn. My response to her was that of course I will consider her words of wisdom but if I can go to a Kid Rock with my gay brother and have a blast then I am going to go on living the dream. I just don't think she looked closely at the pictures of Dave and Jimmy enjoying themselves. Had she seen the gleam in Jimmy's eyes while jamming out to Kid maybe she would have thought differently. I don't know.

Look at how happy they are. You can't argue with that.